Life needs change.

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041127 (+2)

 

i hate phone companies and all those other salespeople that try to sell things to people. ESPECIALLY when they make assumptions. holyfuckinshit! just cuz i’m a female and tony is a male does NOT mean that we’re married, fucking or related in ANY way, shape, or form. the phone bill’s under tony’s i always say there’s 6 of us living in a flat. yet they insist on cracking jokes like, “oh well with the money that he saves he can buy you flowers.” hellfuckinno! jeez, if there were 2 females living in a flat i’m pretty sure that they don’t assume that they’re lesbians, and if there were 2 males i don’t think they assume that they’re gay either. maybe i’m assuming too, fuck i don’t care. but DON’T FUCKING ASSUME THAT THERE’S ANYTHING GOING ON BETWEEN US. I TOLERATE HIM AND THAT’S IT!!!!! i now know when he shaves because he uses the sink in the bathroom, use your own if you’re going to leave bits of hair all over the sink! fucker!

 

i’ve seen london, i’ve seen france, i’ve seen… HEAVEN!!!!! expensive, but I LOVE LONDON!!!!! after having gone back after uhh… 10 years… eeeeheheheeehee! but i wish mina had told me that we were going to take the tube all over the place cuz i woulda gotten me a day pass. jeezy peezy! well, i’m out 2 £ so it’snot that bad at all. snot! hahahaha! i’m SO immature! i love it! camden market is all i have to say! it’s like kensington market times 100!!!!! fabulous!!!!! and i uhh… bought something for myself… oops! but it’s REALLY cool! and the guy gave me £3 off so it’s ok right? although you know that they inflate the price so that you can bargain down to what they’d actually sell it for to make you feel good. i bought me a spring/fall jacket. long, slim, sexy, with cool ZIPPERS! hahaha i DO have a zipper fetish. the tube isn’t as bad as i remember, i still think tokyo’s subway system takes the cake of being the world’s most confusing. mayhaps le metro will have to be a close second.

 

ok so we went to the tate modern first. it looks like it’s a warehouse. it’s in sort of an industrial area kinda like umm… along the lakeshore where they have the redpath sugar factory… that IS the lakeshore right? anyhow, it was a power plant. admission to the regular exhibits is FREE!!!!! and then i remembered why i wanted to come to europe/uk to study art history. i can see a live textbook. i kept recognizing things that were in my pig book from last year. it’s my pig book because there’s a pic of a dude in a suit with a pig mask on. there was a “c” somewhere in the name of the art/artist. anyhow, it’s naice fun. there was this neat sound installation in the turbine by ummmm bruce mau metinks. and the restaurant has a fabulous view of the dirty thames and you can see across it. too ‘spensive. so me and mina went to this tiny café where we had some yummy risotto. marninator! where’s my recipe?!?!?! does it have chicken in it? hahaha. then we went to camden town.

 

i had a crêpe too! SO good. dark chocolate, coconut and rum. oh oh oh! and they have soul food in camden. but £4 for a small jerk chicken seems a bit much, but maybe one day i will. anyhow, continuing on about camden… there’s this massive, old, stable there, well that’s what it said, and inside there’s a bajillion stalls where they have vintage, after vintage, after vintage store. as well as A LOT of cheap clothes from hong kong. and then they have a lot of food stalls there too. like thai curry, peking duck, crêpes… someone should start bubble tea there… hmm… if i can’t find me a job in a museum, i’m going to sell bubble tea! hahahaha!

 

then we met up with mina’s friends and went for paella. mmmmMMMMmmmm and the waiters were SO good to us. unlike other restaurants. anyhow, yeah, the food was goooood. and then we took a bus back to the bus station and the driver was kind of an ass. he would’ve driven off if we hadn’t flagged him down even though we were waiting at the bus stop. and then he had the audacity to bitch at me because i was getting money outta my wallet. well, it wouldn’t taken that long if you didn’t appear screeching down the street like that! anyhow, LONDON IS GREAT!!!!! i tink i might try to find me a job there. muhahahahaha!

the tube is kinda neat. so the city proper is zone 1, then the next zone is 2 etc etc. so it’s kinda like concentric rings around the city proper like ummm… a geographical map showing the elevations. so you can buy a day pass for zone 1-2, 1-3 etc etc. i tink it’s pretty clever donchoo?

 

chicken. one of the easiest things to cook, but cooking meat makes me paranoid about germs, food poisoning etc etc. so bad! i think i go overboard when i’m cleaning off the knife and the cutting board after preparing chicken, but i suppose it’s better than not having done anything right? i mean i was totally disgusted when i found raw meat on a j cloth after the slob was in the kitchen and then i went on this disinfecting spree spraying everything that he might’ve touched. hahahaha, he’s the opposite of the midas touch.

i honestly think he raises my stress level though. i just heard his stupid voice cuz he talks so stinkin’ loud on the phone and i felt this rush of anger an annoyance as his door slammed shut.

 

so i escaped and went down to my friend’s flat where they were going to have a party. hahahaha. there was actually a couple that went into the utility cupboard to make out. funneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 16:05 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041125

 

why am i so lazy? why do i not even TRY to cook anymore? why don’t i care? i know that if i come down with something then it’s OVER! i probably won’t get better for a LONG time because i’ve been somewhat lazy with my cooking. i will create my own downfall. i can’t even afford proper groceries, HA! maybe i just don’t know how to shop properly. la la la la la~!

 

i wonder how long the human body can last without a decent night’s sleep? i’m EXHAUSTED today, even james noticed i wasn’t all with it today at the gym. maybe it’s cuz i ‘attempted’ to go for a run too. i was fine in the middle of the day when i went to school and stuff, but now i’m POOPED and it’s ONLY 8:10! oh oh oh, my abs are back!!!!! eeeeeheeeheeehee!

 

now my yellow shirt is a dingy colour. i’m too lazy to segregate my dark and whites so they all go into the same load. that’s right, no apartheid laundry happening here! don’t ask. i don’t care, i only work out in it. i only have dark clothes anyway.

 

is our generation more transient than in the past? one of my confidantes back home just got a job in the states. he originally came from uhhh… somewhere in the caribbean to toronto to get his edumacation. is it because we have no choice but to go where the jobs are because there’s no jobs to be had in toronto? is it because we CAN do this while we’re still young? but then again, most of our parents are immigrants… hmm… maybe my theory is a lil’ off. any thoughts?

 

i’m so S-L-O-W! here i was complaining about not having a radio so i don’t know what’s going on etc etc. well, DUH! why didn’t i think to listen to t.o. radio stations live on-line? i heard one of my ‘i WANT this’ songs, i saw chris, felish, chickpea  and my sweet pachyderm on-line.  me and felish were late night msn buddies for much of last year, as were either wayne-o or sue, or even both. aaaaaaah technology, it truly can connect the world. (sounds like a commercial) holy shit! i can’t believe that i just praised a freakin’ computer!!!!! but yeah, it was naice. i guess everyone else in the library didn’t quite understand why i was so happy. i was smiling most of the time i was in the library today.

 

i’m too tired to research for my essays. is that ok? y’know, i used to LOVE researching things. u of t’s library was a BEAUT! you could look at what an author was referencing, search it on the catalogue and i don’t think there’s ever been a reference that u of t didn’t have while i was there. now it’s SO frustrating and i’m getting annoyed with it because i actually have to attune my papers to what’s available. ugh! the mental sacrifices i have to make. you’re stifling my creativity i say! i shake my fist at you, limp wrist mafiosa style!

 

i found a really chocolate recipe. hmm… who wants to be my victim? can i replace the cocoa powder with coconut?

 

so close yet so far away. 3 weeks and a day, then i get to go back to a city full of lotsa people i lurve. i miss you all SO SO SO much.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 16:03 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041124 (+2)

 

point in case. the garbage was mysteriously filled up and was taken out by the time i got home. every other day i say! unfuckinbelievable! so much for my efforts of being good to the environment. i guess the only thing i can be “proud” of is the fact that the most i contribute the the garbage on a daily basis is a teabag, banana peel, some veggie scraps… they’re all biodegradable right? but why can’t everyone else just THINK for a minute? mina knows what i’m talking about because in japan you separate EVERYTHING that goes out in the trash. recyclables, burnables, non-burnables, i tink some prefectures also have biodegradables… can’t quite remember though.. .hey how’s the rest of Toronto getting on with the green bin program?

 

my prof and i were trying to explain the significance of peanut butter and kd to north americans to a brit prof. the kind of prof that’s an older gentleman, aged well, obviously has the accent, the kinda prof that all the first years would go ga-ga over. hahaha, he said that his daughter likes pb. mMMMMMmmmmMMMMmmm peanut butter. i guess it’s like how they have marmite and vegemite here… but then again… peanut butter and even kd taste MUCH better than those –mites. marmite is like fermented yeast or something narsty like that and vegemite is like the vegetarian version of it. they like it on toast. i remember the first time someone showed it to me, me being the idiot, opened it and smelled it. i think my face was a kodak moment. it STINKS! why do i like smelling things… and then when i find something that smells naice i keep sniffing it! J

 

there’s never any mail for me. nobody loves me except for stephie and arun… well arun had better love me! :p

 

i hope that the trend of the stupid tweed sports coat goes FAST! yuck. seeing raoul in the elevator… oops i mean LIFT with that thing, jeans, semi-dressy shirt… it does look good on him, maybe it’s cuz he’s a decent looking guy, i mean BLOKE. but i’m just NOT feelin’ it. ha! maybe it’s also cuz karl has one and kills it. i wonder why the karls with a ‘k’ are problematic. mel had issues with a karl back home too… hmm… perhaps another conspiracy in the making. no?

 

i just went music shopping …in tim’s computer. muhahahaha. usb thingies are SO convenient. and of course i HAVE to be different and call it an us-bee. not a u-s-b. anyhow, so i got me some portishead, jet, the strokes, muse, buena vista social club, the soundtrack to amelie cuz it was cute tho i’ve NEVER seen the movie, i go get me some more music later. “glory box” by portishead, will be on repeat for a while, i’ve forgotten how GOOD that song was! in return for all this fabulouso music i bring him back some maple syrup and maple butter.

 

tim’s a cool neighbour. he’s a brit getting his phd in something difficult like physics or something equally as taxing. since he’s a brit, his room actually looks like his own room. he obviously didn’t have to think of only the bare essentials and so he even brought some furniture that would fit in his room. and all his cds. naice! he’s a former raver, punk, metalhead uhh yeah i dunno what else. but he had his hair in a tall mohawk at one point. VERY cool. no really, it suited him.

 

tim looks like a dustin. don’t ask why. he doesn’t look quite like a tim so i had a hard time remembering his name. like how i was trying to remember spencer’s name and i came up with jeremy, but he looks like a jeremy. have you ever wondered what name you look like?

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:07 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041123

 

one day, i will create my own downfall. i am taking on the big G. why do i ALWAYS choose the more difficult topics for my papers? i think it was stephie that coined the phrase “mill paper,” and rather than EVER writing a mill paper, i give myself a daunting task of taking on the big G. (by the way, don’t think stephie’s all that great since she’s going to hawaii for her reading week. biatch!) anyhow, the big G is, griselda pollock. she’s known as THE authority of feminist art history in the uk, maybe even in the western canon of art history. and i am critiquing her theories and ideologies. why do i do this to myself?

 

interestingly enough, the big G is a prof at u of leeds which is a school that rejected me. so mayhaps this is my subconscious revenge on that school and that’s why i’m critiquing her.

 

“the 10:24 seaford train on platform 8 to hastings has been delayed due to technical difficulties.” it was 10:35 on my watch. “yay! i can catch the ‘earlier’ train and get to class without having to rush,” i thought. so i got into the train and stood there listening to my discman as time went by. 10:42… ok, this is the time for the next train, but the i’m on the 10:24 and it’s still in the station… EH?. and then on the pa system i hear, “this is the southern service to hastings, we apologize for the delay, but we are currently awaiting a driver.” HUH? no driver??? aaaaaaahahahahahahahaa sooooooooo funny!

 

eeeeeheheheee! we have our sink back! no more carrying buckets of water from the bathroom to the kitchen to wash the dishes. naice! the pipe has been replaced. fabulous! so whoever it was that left the dirty pot had better clean it up. that’s right kids, i TOLD the slob to take out the trash leftover from last night. muhahahahaha! but then my suspicions were true… the reason why he was so thrilled that he didn’t have to wash the dishes was true. he’d just take CLEAN cutlery from the kitchen everytime he ate tv dinners or something. so a pile of plates and cutlery appeared from his room yesterday. i guess i’ll have to wash the cutlery again!

 

spencer said he’s going to name his son jack daniels and his daughter stella artois, spoken like a TRUE alkie! so i told him about pushpin sang and exit wong. apparently there’s a huge weed culture here and there’s loadsa people that smoke up every night. yikes, if they gave ME the money that they spend on weed, i’d be RICH! he went kayaking last night! that’s SO cool i wanna do it too! but it’s prolly too cold. although you do get to wear a wetsuit. i tink i’ll try it when it gets warmer, it’s pretty cheap only like £5. naice! i ‘ve realized that i keep talking about spencer and james. but i see one or the other on the regular since i go to the gym every other day and they’re naice people. plus, i AM a guy’s girl. i don ‘t think i can relate to a blonde, blue-eyed brit quite as well as a jock.

 

 

 

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:06 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041122

 

them’s be fightin’ words! so i was out buying a bottle of kitchen cleaner at the poundstore today (funny how they have $ stores in north america, 100 yen stores in japan, and £ stores in the uk) and this woman was looking at stuff that they had displayed near the cash registers. well, she wasn’t IN LINE! SHE WAS LOOKING AT THE FUCKING COOKIES! oh my bad, they’re called biscuits here. and she was blocking the other line. so i said excuse me and went to the other line. she starts complaining. well i was in line blah blah blah… no bitch you weren’t you were looking at the fucking cookies. besides there’s 2 fucking lines!!!!! thank goodness there was another lady in front of her that told her that there were 2 lines, and i told miss thang that she could take my place in line if she wanted. of course she didn’t. she’d rather stand there and complain. ok. have a lurvely day!

 

even though she was there when i discovered that the cold water intake pipe was leaking, she still used the tap this morning and left me to mop it up because she had to leave. she said she knew that it was leaking and for some strange reason thought that we couldn’t drain any water from the sink. why then were we using the bucket to bring water from the bathroom to the kitchen to wash the dishes? and i don’t want things washed in the bathroom because we already have ants and silverfish. i don’t want any more creepy crawlies in there. tony on the other hand is thrilled because we can’t wash the dishes. this to him means he doesn’t have to. so when the cutlery runs out then what? what an IDIOT!

 

i don’t understand some people’s logic… or maybe lack of logic. our kitchen garbage usually gets full within 2 days. can you fucking believe it? unfuckingreal. people don’t know how to crush boxes and stuff when they’re throwing things out, so it gets full fast. and for some reason it seems like ever since someone bought a roll of garbage bags, people have been throwing out everything and their moms in there.

 

do i have to be the nagging, bitchy one that teaches some people how to throw things out, how to turn off taps properly and tell them that if they turn on the fucking radiator in the kitchen, to turn it off? someone turned it on and it’s probably been on forever until i stood near it and realized that some idiot had turned it on and left it on… all the while opening the fucking windows because it was hot in the kitchen. holyfuckingshit! the gas bill gets evenly divided at the end of the semester. somebody had better pay me some money because i don’t think i’ll be needing to use the one in my room and i WAS NOT THE ONE WHO LEFT THE HOT WATER DRIPPING TWICE AND I DIDN’T LEAVE A RADIATOR ON EITHER!!!!! i don’t leave my lights on while i leave my room for ½ hour… THINK ABOUT IT!!!!! and i will NOT take out the fucking trash cuz i do the most cleaning around here. no, it won’t by having a rotating schedule or anything because the slob will just continue making a mess and not clean up after himself because he thinks it’s unnecessary. rather than trying NOT to spill things his logic is to let it spill, he’ll clean it up later. what kind of fuckery did i get myself into?

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:06 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041121 (warning: i send my blog postings to la blogmasta in bulk so there may be more than one blog posted at a time…)

 

equilibrium has been restored. my life is balanced now. i knew i couldn’t have a weekend where BOTH days were good. the taps in the kitchen are leaking. this means we can’t use the world’s slowest washing machine either… great. i wonder how long it’s going to take to get it fixed. why do things go wrong when i want to make myself a cuppa? maybe it’s telling me not to drink tea. i stepped into a LURVELY puddle as i refilled the kettle. water can go down the drain, but you just can’t turn on the taps or else it’ll just keep dripping. FABULOUS! that’s juss PEACHY! i knew there was a reason why i filched the bucket from downstairs. i cleaned it out and we used to use it for laundry. but now we use it to get  water from the bathroom to the kitchen. such an ordeal. i think i’m going to eat less over the next little while.

 

if you ever have stale cinnamon raisin bagel… make french toast! mmMMMmmm so yummy! 

 

i’m sorry this has turned into a gripe session for me, it seems that everytime i write, there’s something to complain about. well, there aren’t a lot of people that i think i can get close with while i’m here. i get along really well with mina and mariko, but it’s true, asians don’t like to show/share emotions. i don’t think i’d ever see myself confiding in them things that i’d tell those of you that i’m close with, unless i’ve known them for many, many years. there’s nobody else that i’d want to confide in in this flat that i know either. and here goes another gripe…

 

why are people so fake? i don’t get it, karl was trying to justify it by saying that it’s because they want to impress somebody. why the fuck would i be impressed by an idiot who pretends to know something. if i know that you’re lying, then why would i even care to know you? if you don’t know, just say it! fuck i don’t expect everyone to know everything! well… except for common sense things… but that’s a separate issue. karl and a few other people bought a subscription to the brighton philharmonic’s season. fine. i looked at the concert schedule and CHOSE what i wanted to see. fine. so i didn’t like the reportoire. now i’m accused of apparent snobbery. so i know my classical, shoot me. they’re going because they feel they should. he said it’s because he wanted to be able to say that he’s been to the symphony. go because you want to go, not because you think it’ll give you one-up on the ‘sophistication’ factor. loser! i’d rather have friends that are genuine, thanks.

 

and then he’s trying to judge me by saying that i’m, “obviously too cynical and too bitter to enjoy life. how can you even say that you’re happy?” excuuuuse me?!?!?!? i happen to be quite content with my life thank you very much! at least i don’t have to pretend that i know things. so i make snide remarks here and there, doesn’t mean that i’m unhappy or depressed. even in the worst situations i was always the one cracking jokes. ha! think you know me? aaaaaah stupid little boy. i’m glad you don’t know me. HA and james asked me today if he was my boyfriend. so i said, “wait a minute, don’t you think i have better taste than him?”

 

james was helping me procrastinate today. i did the crossword… with the help of google of course. hahahaha. mucho difficult cuz i don’t know british pop culture. he met his gf 3 years ago when she was a member at the gym and she was also living in this shithole of a building. so 2 years of going back and forth between here and toronto. he goes there first and spends time with her fam and then they come back and do cursemas here. spencer thinks it’s “rubbish” to have an ldr. i beg to differ.

 

i’m kinda bored. i’m in limbo. i don’t know what to do for my other term paper because there’s NOTHING i can think of that wouldn’t require me to buy my marks. i refuse to have to trek out to london to use the libraries there because of the uni’s inadequacies. i can’t afford it. it’ll end up costing me about $11 by bus or $20 by train. whatthefuckisthat?!?!?!? i technically have to buy my marks. not my style. sorry. i don’t understand how people can get their postgrad degrees at a school that’s wholly inadequate…

 

maybe i AM stressed out and i don’ t know it. maybe i’m just not confronting it. maybe that’s why i don’t sleep well at night. my discipline is sullied, my flat is crap, i live with a slob, it’s too noisy at night, i miss my cat, i miss all my loved ones, i’m struggling with cooking, no matter how much i try i know i probably wont’ get my money back from being charged for non- existent internet services, i’m broke, Broke, BROKE!… but at the same time… i think this is great. i live across the street from my gym, i live 15 minutes away from the train station, i get more organic food here than i would back home, i’m away from my family, i’m still learning so much, i’m doing what i wanted to do. and despite all the setbacks, i guess it really shouldn’t matter because this is what i wanted.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:35 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041120

 

i know that whenever i have a good day, the next will be pretty shitty. so i guess i should stop being happy and just be neutral. then maybe i can have a neutral day. hahahaha. why can’t it just be all good?

 

the slob is watching tv, and it’s like he’s deaf or something. why do people like to watch the telly with the volume up so loud? i don ‘t get it… is it necessary? no really… is it? jeezy peezy use freakin’ headphones!!!!! i don’t subject people to my crazy tastes in music here. i have my earbuds! i’m so annoyed with clueless and inconsiderate people! hurry up and go away!!!!! and find a better replacement! hmmph!

                       

today was a GOOOOOOOOOOOD day! it was raining just like i want it to, because it’s a weekend and I WENT TO THE ART FAIR AND BOUGHT SOME STUFF!!!!! arun, i think i have a new obsession, i hope you don’t mind. there were SO many things i wanted to buy. there’s this one artist, she painted on textiles that she made. most of them were figural… i thought about buying one, but they were laser printed images, and i woulda wanted the real deal, but they cost so muches, so i pacified myself by buying 3 postcards of her work. there was this painting series with a small black cat, it reminded me of this children’s book series called “jenny the cat.” but i could see myself getting sick of it. and there were these other lithographs, but i could see myself getting bored of those too. i was going to buy an etching, but well… i found these REALLY REALLY gorgeous photographs instead. i was going to buy a bigger one, but that was £10 and i bought 2 smaller ones for the same price. eeeeeeeheheheeeeeheeee! wish i coulda bought more, well… hmmm… maybe i’ll go back tomollo… but i’m beginning a collection, so i guess this is an ok-ish start. except that i’m going to have a mish-mash of stuff… but oh well. i’m a ‘random’ person. oh oh oh, and i had really good cake! banana nut. mmMMMmmmm! it’s just the right sweetness. i know, i don’t really have enough for groceries, and here i am buying art and cake! i like my indulgences! like spencer said, “who cares about the cost of things! you only live once!”

 

dudes! spencer went out drinking with his friends for TWELVE FREAKIN’ HOURS!!!!! unfuckbelievable! he told me he went out on thursday and  went from 4pm to 4am. that’s SO crazy! heeheehee. he’s the manager of the gym i go to and his bestest friend is the owner. how cool is that?

 

oh oh oh! my friend iliana might be going to venice for carnival in feb for a weekend. mayhaps i will go too. it depends on which weekend though, cuz i have the symphony to go to, and i CAN’T miss my brahms.

 

umm… guys if i die from food poisoning (knock on wood), you’ll still remember me right? i just walked into the kitchen to make a cuppa and there was bits of raw meat stuck to the j cloth that we use to wipe the dishes with!!!!! OMG!!!!! my heart stopped. gag reflex must be stopped. why why why? why am i stuck with an idiot that doesn’t understand the meaning of hygiene? he seemed to have picked up a lot of BAD habits when he did his ma in the states… why not the germophobic habit? help! we keep telling him not to do certain things, but it doesn’t work. now i guess we have to hid the kitchen towels too. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????

 

SEE! i CAN’T have a perfect day! something ALWAYS has to go wrong. what, like my day needed balance?

 

please excuse the fact that i send my blawgs in bulk to la blawgmasta. i can’t send things everyday, but i don’t want to limit my writing either. mea culpa. i forgot to send the 3 previous ones metinks. my bad!

 

so uhh…if a guy is talking to you and he keeps adjusting his fly and scratching the general crotch area what does that mean? does he has crabs or something?

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:35 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041118   

 

i rage about the library once again. it’s SO SO SO lame. i’m changing one of my term paper topics because there’s NOTHING! i was told to go to london to do my research. fine, there’s a bus that i can take for a £, but what if i go there and there’s nothing? i can’t go any earlier cuz you have to reserve your seat on the bus if it’s later then you pay more. i don’t have that kinda money to waste. besides, what if i can’t find anything… and i can’t look up things ON-LINE from home because of the fucking university network AND the university’s wireless access won’t necessarily let you access certain websites. so i’m limiting my topic to something that’s available in the library. this should be interesting…

 

today is a grey day. much like my grey mood. i hope it’s a grey weekend and that tomorrow’s weather is fabulous. i don’t need good weather when i know i’m going to be indoors… ie: on the weekends because the city’s too packed.

 

ate some gooooood food last night. carbonara pasta! mMMMMMmmmm! so good. my flatmate mina is superwoman in the kitchen. it looks purty easy to make though. and then i made dessert. peel and cut some apples throw it in a pot with some butter on low heat. add some cinnamon. let apple pieces cook in their own juices. throw in some brown sugar. throw in bananas if you’ve got lotses. when everything’s semi-cooked. take it off the heat. add some granola bits for crunch and den you’ve gotses dessert! tastes good on French toast or pancakes minus the granola.

 

why am i good at making desserts rather than meals? hahaha, desserts are harder to fuck up. well at least that’s what i think… and they’re funner to make.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 20:39 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041117

 

i have a 9am class next term. isn’t that disgusting? i haven’t had one that early since high school. i wasn’t going to be dumb enough and give myself a 9am class at u of t. to go through rush hour at that time is STUPID. and here i am taking a 9am class. sux arse! but it was either that or take classes tuesday, wednesday AND thursday. my morning class had better be interesting because it doesn’t sound like it would be and i don’t want to take that thursday class anyway. 9am!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeew! i suppose it’s preparing me for the 9-5 job. the only good thing about this 9am class is that i have a huge chunk of time between 11 and 4 so i can do mad crazy readings while i wait for the next class. of course since i live SO close, i COULD go home and chill for a bit… hmm.. .the possibilities seem endless… fuck, who am i kidding.

 

so it was a fluke. i woke up in the middle of the night cuz slob decided to make the noise of 10 000 elephants. sigh. well, sleep, it was naice knowing you. now

fuck off!

 

if the fire alarm ever goes off and there’s a real fire, we’re all gonna die. it just went off 10 minutes ago. it’s probably the 4^th time this month. it’s SO annoying. it’s worse than a child running around a dep’t store screaming, spilling their food, making a mess and not being reprimanded by their caregivers. it’s worse than that lady at lantern or that guy at spring roll.

 

surprise stephie! we now have silverfish in our freakin’ bathroom too! fuck! first it was ants and now silverfish. jeezy peezy! so we still have ants in one bathroom and now silverfish in the other. knock on wood that nothing else happens.

 

i gave myself a mini holiday. most of my readings are done since i read ahead. hey that rhymes! i just have 2 more articles to get from the library and i’m smoove sailing until next semester. i’m too tired to read anyway. the words don’t quite register. it could be something simple, but it just won’t make ANY sense. josé ortega y gasset is incredibly readable. i like that! thank you stephie. my term papers… right. never mind, i take that comment about smoove sailing back. but at least i’ll have a 2 weeks extra to write them so my rough drafts will be done before i get back. one more month! hey, can we have a potluck at… WILSON’S???

 

are these paragraphs better?

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 20:39 | link | comments (3) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041116 

  

the electric stove is EVIL!!!!! it’s out to get me! i’ve NEVER been able to fry a freakin’ egg nicely as i would at home with the GAS stove. the yolk always breaks, or half of it gets cooked really well and the other half not so well. plus it’s hard to control the temperature, it gets too hot so you turn it down, then it gets too cold. i don’t have all the time in the world to play with the stupid stove. then again, if it was gas, we’d all be dead by now cuz slob likes to leave the stove on, and leave a mess on the burners… so it’s either death by carbon monoxide poisoning or grease fire. exciting…

 

so i found out 2 things about slob. very different things. one is REALLY scary, the other… i’m trying to decide if i should be thrilled or not. ok. so first, the scary thing - he doesn’t wash his hands after using the washroom. how do i know this? we have 2 bathrooms and they’re beside/against each other. i was getting ready to take a shower and he went into to other one to do his biz… and i heard to turlet flush, but no running water afterwards. GAG!

 

ok, news #2. HE’S MOVING OUT!!!!! we’re not bound by the tenancy agreement until December 10^th. he’s already spoken to the housing office and it’s more-or-less official. he can’t afford it. well, neither can i really, but since they’re taking the £ out of his account in 8 installments, he can’t guarantee that he’ll have enough. so he goes. if i were able to find a cheaper place within a block, with internet access, washer/dryer, i’d be OUT FAST! but in a way, this is a lot easier. i’ll prolly end up staying here unless i find me a wicked deal elsewhere. i’m not going to get all happy cuz knowing my luck, someone worse than slob will move in. there’s a 38 year old, NEVER cooked, cleaned done ANYTHING for himself. a friend of a friend lives with him and he spent TWO HOURS with him in the grocery store because he’s NEVER been to one. he has to teach him EVERYTHING. dude has SO much patience. gotta give ‘im props for that. it’s pretty stupid of the helpless guy though. i mean you know it’s self-catered, you know you have to do things on your own… why would you even THINK to come here on your own if you’ve never done things for yourself? didja think someone would just be your maid? and what’s worse is that this dude is SO cheap, he says thank you, but he doesn’t really mean it and he doesn’t mind mooching. oh, and there’s another dude who can’t cook… i mean worse than me. so this one girl moved in later than others and she arrived at night. so it was too late for her to go grocery shopping and so her flatmate told her she could take what she needed… so she did. and then he asked her to cook for him cuz he didn’t know how. it was just eggs and toast. i don’t get it. my dishpan hands are experiencing some joy at slob’s leaving nonetheless. arun, do you need me to exfoliate your back? hahahaha. glysomed here i come!

 

i think i was FINALLY able to get a solid night’s sleep last night. that, or i don’t remember waking up in the middle of the night because it’s such a regular occurrence. this is the FIRST time since i moved out here. i hate being a light sleeper. eeeeeeeeheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeee! maybe sleep will start to be my friend again. why did you abandon me? i’ve done nothing wrong have i? i’d appreciate you more if you were there for me, it’s a reciprocal relationship know what i mean, a lil give and take.. you’ve been taking from me for a long time, c’maaaaaaaaaan you can give a little…

 

the latest national geographic has the catchiest title, “was darwin wrong?” all them folk along the bible belt were probably thinking, “hallelujah the bible was RIGHT!” until they open it to the article and there’s a giant NO! i had a good laugh imagining that. i can see my high school bio teacher smirking about that too. hey, are national geographics the same internationally? or do they have different editions per country like vogue, cosmo, elle etc etc.

 

one of my packages of pasta has the tape easy open tabs. well, it was apparently too easy to open cuz some of it spilled in my cupboard. can we all have a moment of silence for my pasta? it was tricoloured fusilli, sniff sniff. i had to throw it out cuz it got stuck in the grungy edges of the cupboard. ew!

 

the lights were out around the train station. i wonder how long it’ll take to get that fixed. do they have to wait until something happens to someone in the dark underpass before they fix it? will they be passive and wait like my crosswalk theory where they don’t install a crosswalk on a busy street until someone gets hit?

 

in my 20s and i’m finally super close to being able to do the splits. go fig.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 20:38 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041115

the uk is taking the ghetto fabulousness outta me. i called my bestest friend in the whole world last night. she noticed that i didn’t pepper my conversations with my various isms, pop culture references and political incorrectness as i used to. there have been SO many moment when i’d want to crack a joke and then realize that not as many people would understand me. like,

“CAR!”

“CA~R!”

“Game on!”

“GAME OO~N!”

so so so sad. L i AM losing my sense of self. “Who am I~? 2-4-6-0-1~!” she was waiting for me to swear like i used to. ironic since james and spencer now call me pottymouth.

 

mel was asking what i do. well, i uhh… go to the gym, do readings, go to school, do my grocery shopping, laundry… i have no tv, you gotta have a license to watch the telly and even still you get 4 freakin’ channels. no radio, never cared to buy one, no INTERNET connection so i have NO idea what’s going on in the world. like i was shocked when i read that derrida passed away… a week after the fact. so now i read globe and mail and toronto star on-line when i can. life here has forced me to be a minimalist. i try not to buy too many things that’ll end up taking space in my suitcase. i’m saving yogurt containers for tupperware, i’ve even discovered that a philly cream cheese container makes a good butter dish.  call me a tree-hugger, but ever since someone went out and bought a roll of garbage bags, it seems it gets full within 2 days. holycraponmyhead! where does all the garbage come from?!?!?!? i don’t buy a lot of things that have crazy wrapping and if it’s cardboard i’ll at least crush it before i toss it… since they don’t recycle here… most of it we’ve surmised is the slob’s. i thought by having the 2 bags and 4 rolls of toilet paper free rule from downstairs would be good. it seemed to work juss fine, until someone bought the roll. i’m not being a typical girl in a sense that i refuse to take out the refuse (get it, hyuk hyuk hyuk), but i do most of the cleaning and why can’t the slob take it out since it’s mostly his and we all have to clean up after him? maja caved and tossed it once, shame on her! i don’t know how to handle this inconsiderate person. i’m beginning to sound like a broken record and no matter what i say it’s, “yeah, ok no probs.” and then the same SHIT all the time. fuck, you’re thirty-something! idiot! we’re all worried about what’s going to happen when the winter holidays rolls around. mina’s going to morocco, dammit! maja is going back to croatia, jamie won’t be affected since he never uses the kitchen etc, sabina’s going to london then rome dammit! and i’m COMING BACK IN A MONTH AND 2 DAYS! so anyways, what’s going to happen to the kitchen and the utensils? velly velly scelly.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:34 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041114

why is it that almost EVERY weekend, the weather is beautiful and i have to do school work? it’snot fair! snot i say! on the flipside it gets packed everywhere and i don’t feel like going out anyway. TOO MANY PEOPLE especially the kinds that can’t walk and they just stop in the middle of the sidewalk to talk, or the ones that walk 5 abreast so you can’t get by unless you walk on the street! idiots! but during the week the weather’s usually pretty bad! jeezy peezy! i only have class on tuesdays and wednesdays! work with me here mr. sun! please?

 

cinnamon is a fabulous spice. mmmmmmMMMMmmm. it’s my new friend. it even tastes good in blah tea. that’s right! if you put brown sugar in your tea cuz you don’t like white sugar and you can use the brown for other fun stuff, put a lil milk and dash o’ cinnamon! mmmm mmm good! yay mina for telling me.

i’m going to the brighton art fair next weekend. i kept missing the t-dot ones and so i’m going next weekend and if there’s anything i like dammit i’m going to buy it!!!!! of course i have to think about how i’m going to take it home too… sheeeeeeeit! and yes, i will think about my wallet arun. but if i really really really really like it and i know i’m going to like it for a LONG time can i get it then? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

light. what a concept. so i was down in mariko’s flat and me and mina were complaining about how dark our rooms were because lampshades were placed over the bare bulb… however, the ceiling got more light than the floor. so dark. other people have theirs decorated with other things… i never thought to take them off… until 10 minutes ago. now i don’t even need my desk lamp when my laptop is on. how naice! it looks kinda weird now with a naked bulb, but i figured i’m only here in this dingy room with dirty walls and curtains and supposed fireproof furniture for less than a year, so i’m not going to go crazy wasting time and money decorating. i have things stuck on my giant ugly bulletin board and some books and stuff, that’s good enough for me. oh and on thursdays when i do my laundry and my drying racks take up most of the empty space in my room. besides, i might find something at the art fair! J and now that i’ve hyped it up, i probably won’t find anything. WAY TO GO IDIOT!!!!! as much as i’d like to use the ‘R’ word…

break out the champagne! i just called home and i found out that it is indeed easier to talk to my father than my mother, and maybe even my sister… sorry moms. not surprised since my mother and i are both VERY stubborn. i guess it’s a start since i never talk to anyone in my family. i found it easiest to talk to my sister when she was out in Mississauga on res because we could never bicker, then she came home and started working. i think the past year was difficult with my mother since she was the one i’d see the most in the house… next to my moo moo (my cat) of course. sometimes i’d go through a few days before i saw my sister simply because our schedules were so different. my dad asked me what i needed when i came home. so i said a million £. hahahahaha… that’s the running joke in my house.

“i’m running out to get some groceries, need anything?”

“yeah, a million dollars.”

or

“hey, what do you want for your birthday/mother’s day/father’s day?”

does this mean that the tenuous relationship i had with my family can actually be more than hi, bye, how’s work/school/home etc etc? weird.

jeezy peezy why is it so hard to write a freakin’ essay proposal?!?!?!!? if i didn’t have a minimum # of footnotes and bibliographic sources i’d have been done AGES ago! aaaaaaaargh! shit, that worries me. if i’m having trouble writing 350 words, what’s it going to be like writing my term papers let alone my thesis. whatdidigetmyselfinto?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?

i love the new workout that james gave me. it’s very elbow-friendly, however, i’m finding that i get that ‘needs-to-crack’ feeling in between my shoulder blades. my chiro said it’d become a problem area as i continue d b-ing. ugh!

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:33 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041113

i think i’m beginning to appreciate the writings of foucault. holycraponmyhead! what’s happening to me!!!!! he was always that dude like derrida whom i could NOT understand for the life of me. but now they make sense to me, and i can sit there, nod my head and think, “yeah i know what he’s talking about.” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!!!

 

some people are cool when they’re drunk, other people are jackasses. karl, the kid from la is one of the latter. he tries to pepper the conversation with too much innuendo and seems to think it’s ok to get all touchy-feely. EW! DON’T TOUCH ME!!!!! christian from texas is a cool drunk. he’s such a funny guy. he would be the kind of guy that tells good campfire stories or he can do a schizophrenic  narration of a story from beginning to end with 20 different characters.

i look like i’m 17. alllllllllllright! i love you man! there’s a variety store where they sell liquor until 11pm. you can only enter it through a turnstile where there’s a dude ‘guarding’ it. he asked me how old i was, sadly i told him my age and he smirked and said, ‘yeah.’ and let me through like he was doing me a favour. aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha! your cheque is in the mail! woohaa! FABULOUS!!!!! i learned last night that drinking makes me hungry. that’s not good.

tim must think i’m a giant NERD. everytime he sees me i’m sitting at my desk taking notes or something. he said he should’ve taken a pic of me when my desk was on the other side and then a pic of me sitting at my desk where it is now and compare them. he said it makes him WANT to study. ew! i think i’m just afraid that my year off made me a slacker and that if i don’t force myself to be disciplined, then i’m going to REALLY slack off and increase my alcohol tolerance tenfold. maybe it’s also cuz it’s costing an arm and a leg of 20 people. hahahaha, but then i go to the library and i’m chatting away on msn, checking e-mails, doing stupid things while everyone else is reading and stuff. SUCKERS! only because you CAN check your e-mails at HOME! unlike us here at kings road. teeheehee. it’s fun though, laughing while the rest of the world is grimacing at their work. mwahahahahahahaha!!!!! i need to find joy in this because i’m paying for a service that isn’t provided at my flat and i probably will NOT get my money back for either. so just let me be happy that i’m having fun at the library.

so he tried cutting frozen meat with the bread knife. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! not the precious bread knife! it’s one of the only knives that we have that works well for what it’s supposed to. mina bought a cleaver. it works WELL! everyone else seems a bit apprehensive about it… mayhaps i should take pix at a chinese resto for them. hahahaha.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:32 | link | comments |

NAVEL-GAZING

I’m beginning to see that the whole ‘discipline’ of art history isn’t something so great, because of all its flaws. Yes, it was naïve of me to think that it was innocent and untainted. I used to think that there was no culture in North America, part of that is simply because we don’t have such a historical past. North America is a young continent. Much of ‘Western’ culture, as we know it is an appropriation of the ‘Other,’ obviously without acknowledgement. Would North America be equally as guilty of such imperialist and colonialist behaviour given the same amount of time as Europe? Probably. And technically we are because look what we’ve done and still ARE doing to the first inhabitants of the land. We’re destroying their way of life with our ‘civilized’ one, shoving them onto bits of land called reserves. What, are they supposed to feel privileged because the government is ‘reserving’ the land for them? What a stupid word! We want them to be ‘Noble Savages,’ but also force them to assimilate to a Western lifestyle even though we’re giving them almost no resources to do so. The government is often ‘helping’ them by DOING things FOR them, but not really LISTENING to their wants and needs. Why can’t we just let them be, because obviously ‘our way’ is NOT the right way. Are the First Nations peoples too disruptive? Why can’t they juxtapose the old with the new like the West is allowed to? Why does the West always have to be the newest, latest, and trendiest? What is the politically correct term for such an ‘Other’ to the West? Aren’t we just perpetuating the colonialist attitude by playing ‘catch-up’ to the Europeans? There probably aren’t any nations that are ‘guilt-free,’ but how does one deal with that? How DO you write about something such as race/ethnicity without being accused of tokenism, without sounding like you’re just writing about it because it’s an edgy or racy topic? Just write it honestly. But if I’m brought up in this West-centric mindset, where does that get me? Is this where I have the advantage in 2 ways of being an ‘Other’ because I’m Asian AND a woman? Where does one begin? Am I just doomed to write something that will uphold West-centric art history?

I think I’m equally as guilty for bitching about North America not ‘understanding’ culture like the Europeans do. That the Europeans are ‘doing something right.’ But are they really? If we’re constantly looking, deconstructing and analyzing art history as a Euro-centric discipline we realize that it DOES need to adapt to how things are in the world today. It can’t remain Euro-centric, WASP-y, West-centric because it would be doomed to fail as a discipline in the end because people are realizing what is gone wrong with it until now. This is probably true of everything and nothing in a sense. Is North American art practice and art historical practice any more progressive in that sense? The civil rights movement in the US preceded the feminist movement and it was the opposite in the UK, does that change how culture is perceived? Probably. But how does one look at that? Art history is an interdisciplinary subject. One CAN look and analyze something from an art historical perspective, but isn’t that perspective shaped by other disciplines?

Perhaps the Europeans aren’t doing it right, perhaps the North Americans are doing something right, but then why is culture viewed as ‘fluff?’ Yet when I tell people what I’m studying they often speak wistfully about the arts, like they want to be studying it, but it’s just not ‘practical’ or ‘economically sound.’ If culture is supposed to be the height of a civilization’s progress, why is it put down so much? Is this because we’re still at a ‘primitive’ stage? NO, because then we wouldn’t be so West-centric. We have enough cities and we have enough culture, but it’s not valued even though it’s seen as the epitome of civilization. Where does this mindset come from? Does this mean that after we’ve finished comparing the incomparable of, “you’re wasting money on a $2m painting while my son’s dying in a hospital,” and the money goes to said son, will arts be valued then?

The more I learn, the more I realize what I don’t know. I know I can’t learn or know everything, but when is it enough? Where am I going with all this? I don’t know. Like I said, I’m navel-gazing.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:40 | link | comments (1) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041112       

my mind is playing tricks on me. or maybe it’s the drugs. hahahaahaha. i need sleep. i’m turning into an insomniac because i’m such a light sleeper and i live beside an elephant.

 

yesterday was rememberance day. oh, they call it armistice day here. did you all observe your moments of silence. i did. i was doing grocery shopping at safeway. i was standing by the poultry section as a watched employees talk, laugh and continue working while the rest of the world stopped for 2 minutes.

jamie has smarmagitis. it’s a combination of sars, meningitis and mumps. hahaha, he just has a cold, but he claimed that he was just a regular ‘bloke’that cries when he has a cold. so i make fun of him now. he’s prolly going to spit in my tea to get me sick. better be careful.

i tink i’m going to venture into london sometime in the next 2 weeks. i haven’t been since ummm… grade 9 and i should go since it’s a 2 hr bus ride away, the bus is only £1. eeeehehehehee. the train is SO much more ‘spensive and since i don’t think i’ll be there for too long, the bus is juss fine. now i know i can go often. then i can scope out all the good shops and re-visit all those crazy-ass places that i went to back then. fun fun fun. and of course, do the requisite museum tours so that i know what people are talking about in class. hahahahaha. i think i have an idea for my thesis. it partly came outta my navel-gazing. wow, my navel’s pretty smart. i like it!

i suffer from an adonis complex. yes i know, women are supposed to suffer from the venus complex. i think i’m too much of a jock to be a venus though. now that james and spencer know that i’m partially crippled they won’t let me do anything that could be injurious to my elbows. but i wanna be able to do pull-ups again!!!!! so i restrict myself to doing the work-out that james gave me. i looked at my ass this morning and said to myself, ‘girl, you are going for a run after you do your weight training!!!!!’ and i couldn’t even run for 10 minutes straight. so i did sprint drills for the next 10 minutes. i’m SO lame!

the sun’s out! the sun’s out!!!!! yippee! vitamin d here i come! woohaa! the sun’s out, the sun’s out, the sun’s out!!!!!

if i gave you my address, please write to me. the mailbox is lonely. there’s only one of me and all of you, so if you haven’t gotten anything yet, i’m working on it.

one month and 5 days.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:39 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041109

note to self: never stand too close to the corner when a bus is turning cuz some idiot might hork and spit some booger at you after yelling a LURVELY epithet, which just might pertain to your colour. holyfuckingshit. were you born yesterday????? nice to know that brighton is SO ‘cosmopolitan’. so whoopdeefuckindoo (fk 2004) some little racist shit spit on me, well i AM angry and i am NOT crying ‘victim.’  i’d like to stomp on him, may a thousand boogers rain on you! yeah, ok so i’m lucky it didn’t land on my face or in my hair… ew… but i was wearing one of my naice comfy shirts, and it landed on my sleeve. maybe i’m just being overly sensitive because i’m somewhere foreign and my only point of comparison is home.

i guess i’ve been lucky enough that it hasn’t happened to me like that in a LONG while, not since i was a naïve little kid in grade 2 or 3. back then i didn’t even understand the meaning of racism. i just wanted to be white like all the rest of the kids in school. i wanted thin, blonde hair… maybe this is my karma for making fun of somebody when i was in grade 4 cuz her accent was so thick. ironically it’s the accent that i’m missin’ the most right now. isn’t that karma enough? can i forgive this little shit for being ‘young and stupid?’ wellllll… no because i didn’t get a sincere apology let alone ANY. why are you so narrow-minded? i’ve dealt with it in a sense that asian women are a fetish in western culture. “oooooooh look, she asian, she MUST be tight! hey asia queen!” i suppose i can say that at least they didn’t invade my personal space or spit on me.

i’m lucky that my grandmother’s scottish. well, ok she’s obviously not my biological grams, but she’s the first one that taught me indirectly that colour really doesn’t matter. she called me last week to see how things were going, i love her to bits, and she’ll never be anything else to me but my grandmother even though science/society may say otherwise.

why are people still so stupid like that? i don’t understand. people here DO have an imperialist/nationalist attitude here, i’ve even heard people admitting it. heck the £ is a mighty currency, but still…

do you really think it’s going to be any better or easier for you? accept the fact that larger urban centres will be multicultural and suck it up you little shit! or am i supposed to be the one to accept that racism is still evident?

my day was going well. it began well, y’know the whole idea of smile and the whole world smiles with you? yeah, it was like that. they’re doing construction around the corner from where i live and there was this dude sitting in a cement truck looking SO bored that i HAD to smile at that. class went well, the discussions were interesting, i had a good coffee, i’m now beginning to think of ideas for my other term paper. (phew!) i even treated myself to something TOTALLY whatless, but so pretty – a scarf. and then this… i guess i still am an asian ‘other’ no matter what…i know this is just one isolated incident, but if one of the first things that comes out of my mouth when people ask me how is inkland (cl 2004), and i say they’re racist… well… isn’t that indicative enough? i know that it exists everywhere, but which is better? implicit or explicit?

i know i’ve said this before, about it being an advantage of being in a place where nobody knows you or your past. i do feel like this is a ‘new beginning.’ but at the same time, i feel almost like i’m losing my sense of self because i’m NOT surrounded by the people that know me best. i know, you can’t have both a renewal yet cling to the past… this is just one of those times when i wish i had someone here that knows me.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:39 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041107

the school is out to get me. they keep referring to all these handbooks that should’ve been sent etc etc and the pink handbook regarding ‘responsibilities and good practice’ which i’ve picked up, but is relatively useless unless one has the other handbook. well, i keep asking around, and even the secretary doesn’t know what i’m talking about. huh? a lot of people in my classes seemed to know the details of due dates and stuff… what are you talking about? i don’t get it? nobody knows, yet they DO know…

 

so i was reading british maxim hahahaha, which incidentally had avril lavigne on the cover… don’t know why. but i was reading their list of love/hate things. well, they hate blogs because they’re supposively selfish. they gave an example of how people were killed in a bombing in somewhere in the middle east and on that same day somebody wrote a blog about, ‘wanting to end it all,’ or something to that extent. riiiiiight! and by selling a magazine about exploitation is any less selfish than a blog when there’s millions of people dying out there! quick, we all have to drop what we’re doing and save the world!!!!! hurry hurry, people are dying as we speak! go go go.

i don’t know if i’m going to articulate myself well here, but it REALLY REALLY REALLY irked me that they wrote that. of course people will write shit like that in their blogs. it’s THEIR blog, they can post what they want. likewise, maxim will print what it chooses. don’t go judging people because they’re ‘self-absorbed bastards’when you’re doing the same thing. we can’t go around wanting to ‘save the world’ as we’ll become incredibly depressed and the world seems unfathomable as an entity to be saved. who knows, maybe that ‘self-absorbed bastard’ is actually in school for something really important or someone working for médicins sans frontiers. well then why doesn’t maxim use proceeds from it’s magazine to serve a greater purpose? I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARE JUDGEMENTAL LIKE THAT!!!!! assess the situation before you open your big mouth you turd! this is also coming from the magazine that had a little article about this REALLY disturbing website where a dude interviewed crackwhores. he’d do his interview, give them some crack/heroin and then fuck them. excuse my language, but it’s really the only word one can use to describe ummm… prostitutional transactions. people are allowed to do that kinda stuff? i don’t know if any of it was true or not, but to even THINK to print it… THAT in itself is MUCH more disturbing than someone’s ‘self-absorbed’ blog. there’s only so much that a single person can do, regardless of how much power, money and guns they have. as john q public, he’s pretty damned helpless. i’d like to think that every little thing makes a difference, maybe that’s naïve of me, maybe not. if one person decides to go on a personal campaign against something/someone and nobody knows about it, then it likely won’t be as effective as a more vocal/in-your-face approach. does it give the individual peace of mind? i sure got peace of mind when i boycotted all baguettes since i worked for them for my training and never got paid. and that was when i was still young and stupid and didn’t think to persist and go to the labour board.

so i was awoken last night by firecrackers at 3:30am. someone probably had leftovers from guy fawkes night and used them up. so pretty. and then they set some more off at 7am… pretty useless in the daylight. i switched the direction of my bed in attempts to hear less snoring… that was wishful thinking. but i think i’ll keep it like that anyway.

NEWSFLASH!!!!! i was able to find a good cuppa coffee. AND it’s fairtrade coffee… it’s 85p, but it was SO good.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:43 | link | comments (4) |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041106

 

the older trains that get used are made for people with longer arms. what do short people, people without arms, not so physically capable people do to open the train doors if there’s nobody else around?  this is what i discovered yesterday and thank goodness there was someone getting on the train that opened the door for me. i tried to reach through the window like you’re supposed to, but i just couldn’t reach it. boo-urns i say!

 

i’m excited! i get to see a personal trainer on monday! it’s FREE with my gym membership. conversely, none of them are certified personal trainers. which kinda had me worried since i’m technically debilitated due to my various injuries and ailments. well, it turns out that the person i’ve booked with, james, is the only one that’s semi-qualified. phew! that’s a relief. that’s not to say that someone who has a piece of paper is any better than someone who doesn’t, but i suppose i’ve been conditioned to think that way. james is cool. he’s actually going to be in toronto over the holidays too! it’s a small world! spencer’s cool too. his girlfriend comes in some mornings and she eats brecky there before she goes off to work/school wherever it is that she goes. that’s SO cute! spencer is a joker, he seems kinda aussie too. hrmmmm… haven’t met any of the others cuz i only go in the mornings. i know there’s this tall blond dude, a blonde chick… oh and another dude with dirty blond hair. ok, so you know how we always complained about the grunginess of the mats at the ac? it’s kinda worse at this gym. at least at the ac there was a placebo spray of watered-down cleanser and bits of towel. there’s nothing here. just crusty paper towels… which is better than nothing i guess. but SO gross. especially when people use the mats right after doing crazy cardio on the stationary machines.

my tendonitis is better these days. doesn’t hurt like it used to, just a little ripple once in a while, i’m not killing myself either because of it… i have to last until i can get my brace over the holidays. i’m getting bigger though. yes, pathetic, i’m using the weight-assisted machine to do my pull-ups for now. but i can’t reach the actual bars anyway. i’ll graduate to the bars once i know i’m able to do at least 10. i’m FAR from that for now, stupid tendonitis!

i miss my cat. i made my obligatory phone call home and my sister told me that for the last little while he’s been following EVERYONE around the house for attention. and it’s not just cuz it’s cold because he can just sit his butt on the furnace and ignore the world. he’s approaching people for attention. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! i miss hiiiiiiiiiiim! so my sister sends me a pic of him and he looks like such a dope! it almost seems like he did it on purpose because he knew that they were going to send me a pic of him. what a bum! kinda like me when i was a little kid and my parents wanted a pic to send away to a relative. aaah the days of sticking out one’s tongue or making a stupid face…

falling asleep. so tired lately. the bags under my eyes… UGLY! but i can’t sleep well. either it’s too hot, cold, noisy, the mattress sucks, but it’s usually too cold cuz my slob flatmate is also the noisiest. and slob got the door that slams. great. i even get those CRAZY ass leg cramps… like when your calf muscle just tightens all of a sudden and you start waving your leg around trying to get it to relax again so you can go back to sleep. how sad is that? why so tired… why so tired… !!!!! i know! it’s probably because of all the naptime that i got when i was commuting!!!!! that makes SO much more sense now.

tonight i go to see the brighton philharminic orchestra. i personally didn’t buy tickets to this concert because i don’t like the reportoire, but someone who’d bought a ticket can’t go, so it went to me. yay new world symphony… so sick of it! especially after grade 12 music. student tickets are ½ price. that’s SO exciting! so i can go see brahms’ symphony #4 and stephie’s FAVOURITE mozart all for the low, low price of £3 each! eeeeeeheheeeheeeheeee! brahms!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITE LIGHTENING!!!!!

 

l’agent orange… cuz la jess said so

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:43 | link | comments (1) |

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:41 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041102

verbal agreements. they never work. as a shrewd north American i have let my standards slip. i shoulda got it in writing or something. we’d agreed that last thursday would be the last day that she sends me files to format… lo and behold i found 4 yesterday and one today. well, i guess i can just clock more ghost hours too. HA!

 

i’m SO tired. i wish i can find good coffee somewhere in the uk. i’m craving a tim’s right about now. SO cheap yet still a decent cuppa. i’ve found a link to the the underground hip hop scene here. i saw an e-mail addy and just asked. ha, it turns out that it was actually the artist’s e-mail and he’s from Chicago. but he’s going to hook me up to guestlists now! all i need is for someone to come with me. pj, where are you?

going to get internet access within the next 3 weeks in my flat! FINALLY! but it’s going to broadband. sigh! it’d better work and work well is all i have to say!

i’m sorry i don’t have anything too enlightening to say today… wait! do i ever? but i’m too tired. it’s tiring being mad for half the day. and i usually don’t stay mad for long. note to self, it’s a waste of time and energy being mad at things beyond your control.

 

agent orange

 

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:45 | link | comments |

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20041101

Why do i have these extreme moments of stupidity where i cut my hand while cutting a bagel?

 

ok. so i’m stuck in the library trying to connect to the wireless network here. YET AGAIN! all was fine and dandy for a few weeks… and then this. what the hell? does it really make a difference if i sit one study carrel away from the roof where i seem to get better reception? i don’t get it. internet connection, the greatest conspiracy that will forever haunt me as long as i’m here as a student. so fucking lame! it’s nice to know that they take good care of their students here. ok, so i’m going to travel around the library a bit to see if i can get hooked up.

what a load of bull! it’s not working for some fucked up reason! now i have to pack up, trek out to the computer services and then come back here. i have to do work! this is retarded!

we are sorry to announce that the 15:21 train to Brighton station has been cancelled due to… INCOMPETENCE!!!!!

what the fuck? i don’t understand how this country can be so rich yet the people that work are so incompetent!!!!! i’m SO angry!!!!!

to make matters worse, i went into one of the cities fine pubs and bars where you can get internet access… well my computer had too many firewalls. NADA!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:45 | link | comments |