Life needs change.

CHANGE #20051128/9
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! i’m SO annoyed. chaley is like my teddy bear at work, if i need a hug, he’s always willing to give one. him, farmer brown and cormie pick me up and toss me around cuz i’m so ‘little’. anyhow, i was wearing an elbow sleeve on sunday because we had our fit test which i did HORRIBLY on (i’ll write more on that…) and so he asked me why i was wearing it. and i told him i’ve had tendonitis for the past uhh… 4 years now and that i’d just been working out that morning. he started laughing at me! he said, ‘you? but you’re so small… aww that’s so cute.’ just because i’m short i am NOT a dainty little weakling! i was SO mad. and he knows i haven’t forgiven him yet. mek me SO angry. i’ve heard from my coach that i’m too small and that i have to bulk up more, but i’ve also heard that i just have to be able to utilize my strength with better technique in the boat. but not a dismissive, ‘you’re too small give it up.’ so now his comments have sorta given me the motivation to be stronger so i can kick his ass… and give farmer brown a piggyback ride. yes, i suffer from Adonis syndrome. leave me be! at least farmer brown noticed that i work out! hmmph!

aaah yesssssss… fit tessssssssstttttttttttttttttt………. waaaaaaaaah! i suck at ERG. couldn’t do 500m in less than 2 minutes. did it in 2:12. how lame is that? i hate you ERG, i’ll kill you ERG, victory shall be mine! well… one day. so painfully disgusting. ew. ok, so i’ve avoided it like the plague for the past few years, but still i expect better from myself. my 3 rep max for bench press is almost my weight though. 90 lbs. oh, look my font spontaneously changes for the rest of my entry...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/features/story/0,11710,1647127,00.html whoever said that the arts is useless. it’s more interesting to read than the usual political lingo that people throw in your face despite the fact that the author often doesn’t know of what he/she speaks. hmmph! and on another note, WHY AREN’T PEOPLE SICK OF FRANK GEHRY YET?!?!?!?! he’s so ‘commercial’ like pop music. and the new ‘it’ architect seems to be liebskind. give someone else a chance jeezy peezy!

aaaaahahahahaha… i just read a news headline… ‘Drunk tractor driver in slow-motion police chase.’ and it says it took 6 cop cars, a helicoptor and 3 stinger devices… whatever those are. teeheehee.

in other news. it seems that a certain sue is now living in her new pants. you’re welcome?!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 13:28 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051125

to which i reply, it isn’t quite blizzarding BITCH! so HAHA to you! hmmph! i’m trying to talk a friend into flying me down for a week to the bahamas. heck he’s there for 2 months, what’s one week?!

i have magical winter boots. i bought them from work last week because i figured i could hide them under my bed and deny the impending doom. well i had to wear them yesterday because i have a hole in the sole of my shoooooooeeeeee! they’re much heavier than my thin-soled shoes and well… i can walk on ice and not slip! i haven’t had good winter boots in a long time so i was pleasantly surprised. hooray for boots!

why is the font doing funny things again? oh well... go cut and paste! i’m not hating on work as much anymore. i’m finding ways to goof off/avoid certain people/avoid customers. i was working 7 days in a row and i was getting close to snapping yesterday. there’s only so many times i want to ask someone if they need a gift receipt and a box. lalalalalalalala~! but i have saturday off too! what a surprise! ha! only because they needed me in on monday and tuesday so my manager HAD to give me sat off. wootpoot!

i found me a pair of jeans today. yesh i have to hem them… are people getting taller because there’s no more 32” inseams anymore. they’re all 33 or more. there were these really UGLY jeans that were 50%… i tried them on because i didn’t realize how ugly they were until i tried ‘em. they’re SO tapered. they’re ugmo jeans you can wear and tuck into ugmo uggs or cowboy boots without having too much bunching action. oooooogly boogly! of course, i can still ONLY wear buffalo jeans in adult sizes. guess jeans are WAY too low and over-priced and all the rest are too big. kind of ironic since it was supposed to be ‘buy nothing day’. bad timing. sorry. even worse cuz it was apparently ‘black friday’ in the states… the post-thanksgiving sales. there wer riots. i don’t get it, it’s just shopping. not a life and death situation. funny how people can take superficial things so seriously.

i realized why they were giving out samples of water. y’know those giant one litre bottles of 0 calorie water that’s sweetened with some chemical other than aspartame. it tastes narsty and i think it makes you pee more. i tried some and i was thirsty so i drank it, but it was purty gross. well… ok, it’s not as bad as those giant jugs of sunny d they were giving away one year at the island races. THAT was gross… and i remember taking a picture of an abandoned jug under the bridge close to the ac centre. ha! look, even the homeless won’t drink that shit!

i contributed to my workplace’s profits with $1100 with the friends and fam days. thursday was a $500 purchase and sat was a $600. i had a wad of gift receipts hanging from my hands as we tried to figure out what people wanted/needed. hmm.. i keep getting cut off from the internet. i blame…

anyhow, i remember reading in an article somewhere a female journalist’s rant about travelling alone. and she was complaining about how customs went through her luggage and she had her laptop with her with all the extra things like a wireless card still attached. of course she complained that security broke it because they just yanked out the card, but well DUH don’t leave it in then! it was pretty logical to me to remove it before travelling…

weights practices start on sunday. i’m so excited. and prepared. i bought me an elbow sleeve to wear at work later on. right, need to bulk up. har har har. what an impossible dream!

i’m going to stop before i get cut off again and i have to re-write this or something...

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 01:20 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051120/21

i have all these cuts on my right hand from work. it looks like i was playing with a cat, but sadly it’s just from work. it’s been crazy busy because of the stupid sale and i put purel on my hands because i didn’t get a chance to wash my hands. HOLY BURNING. owee! work was stupid, as usual. one of the manager’s mothers passed away recently and she wasn’t told in enough time in order to get her passport ready and so she’s unable to go to the funeral overseas. despite her being the one that i like least as a manager, but that’s not the issue.

well… it’s almost 1230am and i have to get up in 6 hours. and i’m not sleeping because i don’t feel like it. and because i’m stocking up on caffeine. har har har. go me!

has anybody noticed anything really strange about those belairtravel (or whatever the company name is) ads on the subway? i mean the first thing they mention of all the things you can see in mexico is… COLONIAL CITIES! yes! we’d all like to see them ‘good ‘ole days’ when racism was more overt.

my memory is like… swiss cheese. i was ringing in this custy on sat and we both recognized each other, but we couldn’t remember from where. it’s not from sears/eatons/ capital e postrophe s because he said he’d never worked there… but he looks SO SO SO familiar. he brought it up, and we both pondered as his wife and kid looked puzzled. and den on Sunday there was a dj who was someone that used to work at s/e/e metinks. i didn’t remember his name, but i remembered his face and we both recognized each other again. strange… i like the djs now only because they don’t play too many dinky, stupid evil cursemas tunes…

hey guys, i need some help. is there any country in the world that doesn’t celebrate cursemas? cuz i’d like to make an annual pilgrimage to the land of no curses.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:25 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051115
i didn’t know that there was an ‘urban reserve’ in good ‘ole scarborough. right at Kingston/galloway is a housing complex with First Nations people. http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1132008611852&call_pageid=968350130169&col=969483202845&DPL=IvsNDS%2f7ChAX&tacodalogin=yes people always said it was one of those ‘bad’ areas, but i just figured it was an urban myth just like how scarborough itself is supposed to be a ‘bad’ area.

i had the most stupidest, retardedest, annoyingest work days of my life. i was going to start my job #2 today, but my boss called and told me he couldn’t make it to the studio because he had a session. so i stayed for the morning shift at shit job until 2:30. then went to go eat pho. desperately called people to help me kill time until 7pm, but to no avail. sunny happened to walk into pho hung so i kept him company until he had to go back to class for 4. so i went BACK to work and did stupid phone calling to ‘preferred custies’ for a stupid shopping event thurs-sun. aiya! i was on the freakin’ phone for 3 hours!!!!!

‘this is _ calling, wishing to invite you to our customer appreciation days starting _ to _ where you will receive 25% off everything in the store. thanks and hope to see you here at _.’ but then i got to leave work early. so it was ok i guess.

*sigh. my friend has the right idea. he’s going to the Bahamas for TWO MONTHS! to get away from all this winter shit. what a smart, lucky, brilliant idea. now that i know i can fit into suitcases, maybe i’ll just tag along. teeheehee.

talk about raining cats, dogs, goats, chickens, lemmings and an emu! there’s this giant puddle that me and other people were watching this morning at work. yeah, i was supposed to do stock, but then i got put to working on the FLOOR! i said i wanted to work on CASH because i HATE working on the floor. anyhow, we were watching peoples umbrellas flip inside out, people avoiding the giant puddle and trying to stay dry.

my wireless internet connection is HAUNTED. my shift tomorrow got cancelled. wish it was my friday shift instead. dammit! yargyargyargyargyarg. oh well. it’s kinda bittersweet cuz i need the $ of course, but well i don’t have to work! how awesome is that?!?!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:31 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051114
people in my family REALLY don’t listen to me. i told my sister i didn’t need any dinner and my mother left me food. I DON’T NEED ANY DINNER!!!!! what part of that can’t people understand. plus my mother has this terrible habit of buying too much food and then it just rots. why o why?

i met a hockey player today. uhh… niemenen or something like that. he’s not bad lookin’ and he has a cute european accent. anyhoo, i didn’t recognize him because well… i don’t care for hockey. he bought one of those fuzzy hats with ear flaps.

i got my double cd in the maaaaaiiiiiiiiiillllllll!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeheeheeheeheheeee. so exciting! and it’s SO SO SO good. yoshiki is a musical genius and i don’t care what anybody says. he was the leader of a really good, flamboyant big hair rock band that broke up in the late 90s. he transcribed his music for an orchestra and it’s SO SO SO good. and den he produced a second one. muhahahahaha!

i start job numba 2 tomollo! hooray! i werk in stockroom in the morning, then job 2, then back to ‘there’ for night shift. bleh! i’m the only one that gets to call cormac ‘cormie’ at work. teeheehee. my privilege? i ‘slept’ with him. har har har. but we can’t sleep together anymore because i learned last week that he smokes and i can’t have the next man i sleep with notice the smell of cigarettes on me. some of my men are sensitive. :p

so the rest of the boys at work are purty cool. well… see i find that some of the girls are just well… bitchy. and one of ‘em gets TOTALLY stressed out and frazzled as soon as it’s even remotely ‘busy’. and her negative energy is annoying. it’s like a stupid mosquito that won’t stop buzzing at your ear. i like the laid back folk, the ones that don’t insist on going ‘by the book’ or insisting they’re RIGHT when they’re not. lalalalala. they’ve decorated the place with pine and cedar boughs they’re DYING. it fills me with glee… as does the sign outside where one of the ‘o’s in the light is out.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:05 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051113
although i didn’t get to go to an artsy high school and take classes amongst like-minded students like stephie did, i do miss being in a creatively nurturing environment… wait, i just saw wayne’s new ‘do… he looks YOUNGER if that’s possible…

anyhow, yes, so as i was saying, i’m hoping that my studio job will allow creativity to be nurtured. so sad how ‘the arts’ is not a marketable thing to study in university as say… accounting, or forensic sciences. people see it as a fringe benefit, a bird course, a purely subjective topic. well it can and can’t be. i know i didn’t get my MA in art history to get a job out of it, i had hoped it would facilitate getting my lil foot in the door in the artsy job market, and it hasn’t yet, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m going to turn my back on the arts. as much as i’ve lamented this fact, and as much as i call myself unemployed, i think i’d rather be in my place then pushing papers in an office with no windows. starving artist syndrome? i hope not.

i’m hungry! i was craving carrot cake yesterday so aruny tolerated my stupidity and we went to 2 different harbucks to no avail. and den we wandered into the chapters at john/richmond and lo and behold there it was. but i had already eaten something else as a lame consolation. ok it wasn’t THAT bad, but carrot cake woulda been better. anyhow, i just ate dinner a while ago and i’m hungry. stupid belly have i! and i’m not even working out so there’s no reason why i should be hungry when i’m sedate. today was the hh meeting somewhere and since i was working i just told them that i’m coming back as a paddler next season and never as a drummer.

i went to the remembrance day ceremony at old city hall on friday. my it was COLD! and i took pix, but they all turned out pretty terrible because i’m short and there’s only so far that my arm can reach above the crowd. there were several school groups. they closed off queen/bay intersection and well, i didn’t really want to go because the mayor would be speaking and i don’t like him muches, but i decided to go anyway. i think i prefer u of t’s more. the setting is much prettier and heyyyy… they said that there’d be a choir at the one i was at and there was just the usual military band… and well the ‘last post’ and ‘reveille’ weren’t played so well. i understand that it’s hard to play a brass instrument in the cold, but well… so many wreaths were being laid down. and then i remember reading somewhere that first nations people weren’t allowed to participate in remembrance day ceremonies until quite recently.

as much as people make fun of me for going on band trips whilst i was in high school i got to go to europe on 3 occasions. and one of them we were invited to holland for the 50^th anniversary of the liberation. that was already 10 years ago. i still keep in touch with my billet once in a while. i have to finish writing my letter to her. she’s in costa rica right now teaching scuba diving. cool eh?

right, back on track. i remember participating in military tattoos and meeting so many veterans. we were able to go to the ceremony in arnhem and it was breathtaking. as immature as we were and as noisy and obnoxious we all must have seemend, i think the ceremony resonated with all of us. and in the end there were planes that flew overhead and dropped poppies over all the gravesites. so yeah, ‘amazing grace’ on a bagpipe can be a tear-jerker.

incidentally, i ate the BEST smoked salmon EVER in holland. it was melt in your mouth good AND it was hospital food. ok. so how DO you feed about 40 tourists in one place… i don’t remember the events of the day… unless i pull out my journal i kept… anyhow, we ate at a hospital. and i remember other people being a little off-put at the thought of eating not quite cooked but not quite raw salmon. i was in heaven. holland was an awesome ‘food’ trip that i can recall. i had a soft-serve ice cream, half strawberry and half vanilla and it was dipped in chocolate. mmmmmmMMMMMMmmmm. yes, i’m writing about food right now because i’m hungry. leave me alone. a lot of what’s left of my memory has to do with food. like i remember the very first dinner i had in japan when i went.

yes, so the sentimentality of what i had just written previously was totally killed by my reminiscences of food, but i never said i was a writer did i?

http://www.oriononline.org/pages/om/05-6om/Dowie.html some interesting food for thought. it’s a long one so grabba cuppa!

rachmaninov is awesome.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:30 | link | comments (1) |

CHANGE #20051110
yargyargyargyargyarg! ‘incompetent one’ was on the prowl today. and she kept harassing me. jeezy peezy, i was helping a fekking customer upstairs and i sold her a fekking watch, leave me the fuck alone!!!!! *sigh. and she asks me, i tell her and then she gives me this searching look like she doesn’t believe me. as much as i don’t give a shit about this job, i just don’t like when people accuse me of shit. o, here’s something stupid. say i’m scheduled until 5… i have to wait until the next person comes to take over. that’s not MY problem, i stop getting paid at 5 unless the person’s so late that i end up staying an extra 15 minutes. so stupid!

anyhow, i got paid today! wheeeeeeeeeee! and it was such a pretty number until i had to pay my visa bill. bleh! i start me gnu job next week. wheeeeeeeeeee! i get to make myself more marketable too. i have to learn photoshop and adobe illustrator… yes i still prefer pen and paper etc when creating stuff, but i guess i have to adapt to the ‘now’. o the pressure, he wants to see my sketchbook. now i feel obligated to add more shit to it. meh, at least i get to nurture my creative side now. as opposed to churning out paper after paper after paper and not feeling a sense of satisfaction like i do when i look back at all the stuff i did in art class. like paintings, and the ring i made. THAT is productivity, not a paper that you got a decent mark on because you had to ‘triage’ your papers and decide how much time you will allot to them depending on which one was worth more marks. and that paragraph was likely all grammatically incorrect with different verb tenses and all, but i can’t be bothered changing it. sollee.

o, here’s a comment to stephie’s semi-recent blog. another reason why you always want to wash your new clothes before wearing them is because you don’t know what’s been going on in the changerooms. really. and the person who might’ve tried it on maybe left the clothes in a ball on the floor after trying them on, maybe they farted in them, maybe they’re unclean people, the dye might rub off on your other clothes or shoes, maybe the person who tried it on stretched it out because they were flattering their egos by trying on a size too small. what if they smelled bad? you do NOT want to wear clothes fresh off the rack. these are the lil things you learn in 6 godforsaken years in retail.

here’s a musical interlude. raul midón. finally got his album. i’ve been biding my time with amazon because the price usually drops as you wait so i bought his album and ‘eternal melody II’which, i’ll write about when i get it because yoshiki is a musical genius. anyhow, his music is simple, acoustic, vocals but so so so good. i rav iiiiiiiit!

went for coffee with mel. we’ve decide that we’re going to try to see each other at least once a week just because we never see each other anymore. so sad. hahahaha, whenever we talk about each other we say, ‘bestest friend in the world.’ hahahaha… we also say, ‘if we were lesbians we’d be the perfect couple!’

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:05 | link | comments |

 CHANGE #20051104
i began volunteering for the toronto international art fair today. it was the fundraising gala and preview night for the moneyed folk. and since it’s at the metro toronto convention centre. i was being my usual goofy self and had lotsa lotsa fun. i bumped into a common law hubby of a high school friend. that was cool, i networked (without kissing ass) with 2 artists from montréal. so i might check out the elektra festival in may!

i was watching over/explaining this piece by an artist max dean. it’s called ‘as yet untitled’ and it’s a robot that picks up a photograph from one side, shows it to the audience and the audience can decide whether to save it or shred it. if you want it saved, there’s 2 ‘hands’ palms out, with light sensors and if you move your hand in front of one or both of ‘em it gets put into a box, if not then it gets put into a shredder. the pix that are put in the box are archived. if you leave the machine alone it continues to shred pictures. it goes through 80-100 pix an hour. it’s SO fun. this piece was made about 10 years ago. fun fun fun… i’ve noticed that there are a lot of multiple images though. i’ve been saving the cat and dog pix and some weird ones. like one that’s just black, or one where there’s a birthday cake in the foreground, the torso of someone sitting at the other end of the table and then in the upper right corner of the pic you see someone’s leg like they’re lying down on the floor. heeheehee, funny! anyhow, the rest of the stuff is FUN FUN FUN. really you have to come check it out. it’s on until this monday.

eeeeeeeheeeheehee… i might have a second job. a funner job, a job where i work for competent people who don’t cherry pick!!!!! hooooooooooooorayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! i gave a call to the drummer i met whilst volunteering at the design exchange in october. there’s a chick that’s quitting in about 2 weeks and he also needs an admin-ish assistant himself. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! he made me a cd of the work he does and so i gave him a call today and he asked me to come in for a few hours next week. loverly!!!!!

EVERYBODY HAS TO KEEP THE EVENING OF NOVEMBER 23^RD OFF BECAUSE OMAR’S GROUP IS PERFORMING AT THE DRAKE HOTEL!!!!! MORE DETAILS TO COME!

and now i sleep.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 06:01 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051102
i can see now why some people can be annoyed with halloween, i know i am. because it’s just an excuse for little punks to really act like little punks. and it doesn’t end on that night. our car was egged twice on the way home tonight. once on ellesmere and once on my freakin’ street! on halloween night they spray-painted the walls of the catholic elementary school and i wouldn’t be surprised if the same happened to the public school too. not to mention the cady-stealing.

today was a mentally exhausting day at work. and it was one of their trademark 4 hour closing shifts. although i was upstairs and it was more relaxed… i was closing with the incompetent one. i was accused of sending someone off to do ‘my work’ when i was just doing what i was ‘scolded’ for not doing last time. it’s GREAT how they can’t make up their fucking minds about shit. anyhow, i asked a co-worker to grab an order for a custy cuz i’m on cash, and i’m not supposed to ‘leave the counter’ if i’m the only one. which i was. blah blah blah. whatever, i don’t give a shit. i just love how they assume things. lalalala management is ALWAYS right! i’m ALWAYS wrong!

strange, i ALWAYS write thought instead of though… wowee… i juss heard the word ‘teef’ on the radio, that’s awesome! dude, that’s classic, ghetto lingo. so funny what kind of connection a person can make to another when they use certain words or phrases. i think i’m making myself an insomniac… i know i should be sleeping because i need to be up early, but i don’t bother. and here i am, at 1am (heeheehee) and i’m gonna wake up around 7 tomollo. but i DO sleep better on buses and subways than i do in my bed… once again.

heeheehee… mel had to go to yet another baby shower for her bf’s sister’s twins. and so she’s been bored outta her skull there because she doesn’t know anybody, but she’s not going to cling to chris either. (hahaha, what a typo, i wrote Christ for a sec) so she’s been trying to wake up the kids to play with them. and they’re still newborns… hahahaha. they wake up, and must think… jeezy peezy her again?! i just want to sleep! so i told her that it was how racism began. anyhow, it sounded better on the phone. but you get the jist of it no?

i need something to do to care about in my life because i stay up late knowing that i have to work the next day. lalalalalalalalalalalalala~!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 05:02 | link | comments |