Life needs change.

#CHANGE 20051218/21

reason #5billion why i want to move away from bumfuck scarborough… i got onto the subway tonight and there was a stupid, whiny, snivelling little child on one end of the train and a drunken fool at the other end. i couldn’t escape it. at least they had the courtesy to make noise at different times? as soon as the drunken man made his rant to his bud, the little shit started whining. and he’s at that age where his voice is still the kinda voice that rings in your ear at a certain volume. yup, that be him. what a little snot! well he got off at greenwood and then the drunkard a stop later. thank goodness…

i had a eureka moment today. it wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but well i’m glad i’ve figured some things out for myself. with something as subjective as the arts, the more you study and learn about it, the more you become inhibited about trying things. i’ve become overly analytic so i’m not so keen on being so um… brave and trying new things. like umm… curating a show. since i know a little, but not enough about lighting, hanging etc etc i remember talking to someone whilst working at the ex and he was telling me that he used to paint a lot during high school, went on to get his phd or something and taught in the arts. now he’s retired and misses painting, but because he knows more of what the establishment wants, he’s hesitant. so well yeah, while i don’t regret having gotten my masters i know that i can’t be blissfully ignorant anymore.

o. here’s yet another reason why i need to get away from scarlem. kennedy station STINKS like raw sewage or something. they’re fixing the floors/walls and there were icicles INSIDE the station. also the 2 supporting pillars at one end of the station on the subway platform level are marked off with caution tape like they’re falling/cracking/breaking. how comforting.

i have the opportunity to move into a place in jan. st george and bloor-ish. i can probably talk the price down, but then i can only stay until april… is it worth it? i’m going to get more details from a co-worker who lives in that house. it WOULD be naice, but well i’m planning on going to spain in march or april and, weights practices, and oh crap! i still need to look into a membership at goodlife. yargh! see, these are all legit reasons to be somewhat frazzled. NOT THOSE RETARDS WHO FREAK OUT BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE WHAT YOU NEED FOR A FUCKING CHRISTMAS GIFT. FUCK OFF. IT’S OBVIOUSLY GOING TO BE BUSY IN A FUCKING STORE. RELAX AND DON’T TAKE IT OUT ON ME BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE BILLS, OR CHANGE OR WHATEVER. FUCK YOU!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:58 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051217

hahaha. so i got in shit for goofing off at work. oh well. the manager said she wanted to send me home. well lemme tell YOU something. you’ve switched my shifts for the past THREE DAYS without telling me, so don’t give me too much shit for it. of course if i told her that, then i probably woulda been fired like 2 other boys for being mouthy.

i’ve realized over the past week that i really hate the microwave. i mean there’s only so much re-heating of food that you can do, and by the time all the different things are done, the first thing i re-heated is cold. so i et less now for din-din when i get home late. snot good, but if i pull out a pan/pot then my mother starts complaining. whatever.

andrew’s last shift is tomollo. so sad. he was santa today, giving out candy canes to people. there was this little angel from ireland and she kept running up to him(when he was dressed as santa) and giving him hugs, and then when she was leaving she blew him kisses. hahahaha, i am still the queen of rib-crushing hugs~!

i’ve had my hair in braids for the past few weeks because i’ve been SO lazy. i dried my hair normally last night… so everyone today was asking me if i cut my hair or something. someone didn’t recognize me because she’s only ever seen me with braided/wavy hair and she’s new. someone else said i look older…

so i’ve shovelled the snow for the past few days and i was really trying to get it done as fast as possible and the next day my ribs were sore, like when you laugh too much or something. i was SO glad we had less than usual. it’s funny how much people freak out though. snow is NOT a new phenomenon, we DO live in canada it WILL snow in the winter.

aah yesh. i remember now. you know all those annoying year-end… in review type crap? like best of lists and worst of and a list of who’s who blah blah blah. well it’s annoying that almost ALL the magazines credit themselves for ‘discovering’ m.i.a. yeah, she’s awesome, yeah she IS getting more international recognition, but really. don’t flatter yourselves. i hate when magazines do that… like it’s their ONLY claim to fame. but, whatever.

it doesn’t feel like the whole gnu year cursemas rush like usual. weird. but good. maybe cursemas won’t be so bad this year. fingers crossed. i have things to do on cursemas day, like knitting my scarf and crocheting another one for someone’s birfday.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:10 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051214

my stupid internet connection keeps drifting in and out of consciousness. it’s like it’s nodding off or something. nonetheless it’s VERY frustrating and annoying. especially when you’re trawling for jobs on the net.

holy jeebus it’s COLD! i hate winter, i really really do. i’m not built for it. people says it’s cuz i’m small or as andrew says… i’m ‘wee’. aaaahahahahahahaha. my new favourite person at work is tony because he doesn’t believe how old i am.

i went to a co-worker’s fundraiser so his son could be sent to brazil to play soccer. a lot of my co-workers went, and for some reason i was afraid that the girls would become catty. but they’re all SO SO SO sweet. it’s awesome, they’re so entertaining as drunken people. ahhahahaa. everyone was saying, ‘dude. i’m SOOOO drunk! no no no you don’t understand nicky i’m sooooo drunk!’ hahaha. i of course had to leave early because i live close to pickerboonie. dammit! dealt with yet another freak on the subway AND the bus. was NOT amused.

the next night most of us went to dinner at marché because our sales were better than last years for one weekend or another. anyhow, chaley and jess got into this HEATED debate about attraction and what one’s ‘type’ is etc etc. hahahaha. it was SO funny. and meaghan described the bathrooms there as ‘the brothel’ since men’s names were written on the doors of the stalls. hahahahahaha. mmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmmmm mussels. SO good. and den salad and dessert! go napoleon! so tasty. although i ended up giving the rest to chaley to finish… tee hee hee.

hey lookie. the french gov’t is now blaming hip hop for all them riots. uh-huh. yup, they’re the devil’s spawn. it’s going to ruin our children’s innocent ears, must stop hip hop… uh-huh. what next?

went for a powercoffee with katy a co-worker of mine. we went to 3 different harbucks looking for seats until we ended up at the one in chapters at john/richmond. we stayed there for almost 3 hours. craziness. wish the seats were comfier. my db ass is forever sensitive to hard surfaces.

instant karma backfired on me. i was stumbling home last night because it was so cold and windy and SO MANY PEOPLE ARE TOO LAZY TO SHOVEL THEIR SIDEWALKS SO THEY’RE ICY MESSES!!!!! thus i cursed all their asses and sincerely hoped they’d fall on their driveways. well, i slipped on my driveway this morning whilst SHOVELLING IT!!!!! how ironic/karmic/unfair is that? fekk! stupid ass winter. stupid ass lazy sister who hasn’t shovelled the fucking snow in almost a decade. I HATE WINTER!!!!!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:49 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051209

today is a boring day. no work, coulda gone to volunteer at ago, but i got up too late and the day was wasted. well i sat around and did nothing really. hahahaha. well at least i got to sit on my ass all day rather than stand on my feet for 8 hours. met that kid chris brown yesterday evening at work. getting lotsa freebies as per usual. whatever. he’s SO SO SO young! hahaha, tried to pick up one of my co-workers. marcelo dropped by to say hello! that was the highlight of my day at roots yesterday.

uc pubnite. was good to see everyone. the food at that firkin is TERRIBLE! so so so so so bad. my cajun chicken caesar salad was LAME, LAME i say! worse than what i’d make, and it’s hard to fuck up a salad! so good to see everyone though. jess was a cheap drunk as per usual. how entertaining. i drew on someone’s stomach. err… jess said he was going to take his shirt off… so i got the marker and drew a face on it instead. dut dut dut. it’s washable.

on the bus ride home last night, this creepy, annoying little chinese man sat down RIGHT up beside me like… ooooh look, she’s asian too, at least we have THAT in common. he was obviously drunk, cuz he reeked and his eyes were bloodshot. anyhow, i was reading my now mag, listening to my music and trying to ignore him as he continually took leering glances at me as he read the adverts for sleazy escort services. ew ew ew. i wasn’t going to bother giving him cut-eye for the rest of the busride so as soon as someone got out of the corner seat i took it and blessed the person who sat in my old seat to shield me from his leery looks. ew ew ew SO creepy. yeah, like i’d EVER be attracted to a man like him. it’s definitely times like these that i wish i lived close to a subway station and not close to pickerboonie.

i’m STILL trying to upload pix from italy. everytime i’ve tried it’s fucked up. but now i have the first umm.. 57 pix on-line. hallelujah! hey, at least it’s a start right?

hmmph!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:15 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051205/06

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/30/books/30berenstain.html

can we all have a moment of silence? i grew up reading berenstain books as well as other wonderfully awesome books like all those dr. seuss ones and even japanese children’s books. as much as i dislike children, i love children’s books. i can sit for hours reading them in a bookstore… ask aruny, he’d know. sorry. hahaha. i used to read SO much as a child, walking around the house with a book in front of me and i got sent back to the children’s book section when i was in grade 3 because the librarian thought i was too dumb to read actual books. hmmph!

my manager made me do some more paperwork of hers today. i don’t get paid to do it, it’s a keyholder’s job and it was supposed to have been done last night. oh well. so i didn’t do it properly and the box was sealed… and then they had to open it up because some stupid form wasn’t signed. hahahahaha… like i give a rat’s ass. i feel so… SMUG. hahahahahahaha… i’m NOT going to do other people’s shit.

ok. so that was all yesterday, but i didn’t post it so here’s today. i started at 1 and was supposed to be off at 9:30, i left at 10:45. it was some crazy event yet AGAIN tonight and i met umm… farley flex and the contours. oh, and earlier in the day i met sandra bernhardt… sandra, sarah…i always get her mixed up with the other (in)famous bernhardt of yore. anyhoo, there’s SO many stupid promos and other stupid things that it’s SO hard to keep track of that i don’t give a shit anymore. wait, i didn’t care as much before did i? anyhow, it’s annoying because they’re so disorganized and they don’t tell us how to do things. even these new stupid, gift cards nobody knows what to do with all those stupid receipts that come outta the machine.

holy jeezy peezy! it was SO cold today at work. i REFUSE to buy a new shirt since my other one was stolen/lost whatever. it’s gone. i’m not buying a new one! Andrew kept complaining that it was too hot so i kept warming my hands on his forehead and cheeks. SO warm. and den he was wearing a jacket at one point and we started goofing off. i was hugging him, he buttoned me up in the jacket and then we ‘walked’ around the store. hahahahahaha. SO funny! cut my hand AGAIN! dammit! why oh why? it’s not like i kept getting cut whilst working at the other retail hell, why now? not like they care about safety, if they ever need to make space, things go in front of the fire exit. yesssssss i feel so safe. and they have issues with the fire marshall. they think he’s an idiot. wow. that floors me.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 05:07 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051202

I’M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW THAT IF ANYONE ASKED ME ABOUT MY EDUCATION I’D JUST SAY THAT I HAVE AN HBA AND NOT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MASTER’S EDUCATION. IT’S GOTTEN ME NOWHERE AND TODAY I GOT MY ‘REPORT CARD’ AND MY DISSERTATION MARK WAS DROPPED BY 5%.

what the fuck kind of bullshit is that? i know i didn’t care in the end and that i just wanted to pass, which i did, but to give something good and then take it away is bullshit! i totally want to dissociate myself from the school. fuck, maybe the scathing review i gave to their ‘anonymous’ survey wasn’t really anonymous. ha! if they call asking for alumni money i’ll tell them to stop picking on cash cow international students and look elsewhere. fuckers. there’s nothing i can do about it, and i normally don’t get too pissed off about stuff, but well i’m glad i didn’t waste my time pursuing a phd.

at least i know that i’m not made for the world of academia for sure now. yeah, so it’s one mark, but well… i’m not book-ish enough for that. i like to learn, but if someone wants me to write about it, well hahahahaha… that’s NEVER going to happen anymore. unless it’s something like ‘what i’ve learned whilst in a job i hate’.

i know i should be patient, i know it’s hard to get work in a field that one desires, but really, this is close to the last straw. what if a prospective workplace asks for a transcript? ok, so i shoulda thought about that when i was writing my thesis, but it’s not like i could’ve NOT handed it in… my reasoning of not being motivated just wouldn’t work. it’s either hand it in or fail unless you had extenuating circumstances. i was hoping that the prev mark i got was a sort of reprieve, but i was SO WRONG! edumacation i shake my fist at youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

change? yes, change it did. FUCKERS!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 03:24 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051201
hahaha. so today i forgot that it was the first of december and i tried to swipe my metropass at the rt station. whoops! the bus driver didn’t catch it, but the booth man was kind enough to knock on the window with some dec passes to remind me. so i took my purty green one outta my wallet and awaaaaaaay i went… until i hit pape station. ‘the passenger alarm has been activated’ at castle frank station, which we all suspect means that there was a jumper. anyhow, we all shuffled onto any bus that goes south so we could take a streetcar and then the bus driver came about 5 mins later to tell us that the subways were running again.

then i met wayne-o to exchange a hoody he bought last week with the f&f thing. so  ummm… yeah, he learned who the incompetent one was. yeaaaah… what should’ve taken 5 minutes took 10. what a loser. and he said that there was a similar one at his hellish workplace last year. hahaha. how DO these people become managers?! anyhow, ALL the managers were SO bitchy today. like they were all pms-ing. the incompetent one told me 10 times that i was covering breaks and then she made it seem like it was MY fault that someone was going on her break late. fuck off, she had a crack-headed customer and i was HELPING one thank you very much. fuck, do it yourself then bitch! but then again, you’re incompetent… never mind. anyhow, i then went to cover someone else’s break upstairs and she just happened to be going down the stairs and she had to remind me that i was covering her break… yesssss that’s why i’m there you idiot! and THEN another manager was being bitchy too. so i finally snapped at him and told him off. he was saying that i had attitude, and i told him that as soon as i walked into the door all i got was attitude from all the managers so if there was a problem with mine then they should all check their own first! i don’t care. if you’re having a bad day, don’t take it out on me because i didn’t cause it. and i later apologized, but reminded him that we’re not all there to take their shit. one of the other cashiers and an associate were doing NO work because they were doing ‘display’ stuff, which isn’t their job and the manager was ok with that. so i didn’t do all the paperwork because i’m not letting people get away with slacking while i’m working. so we were there until 9:45 when we coulda been out by 9:15. i don’t care. i’m not picking up others’ slack, it’s not my problem. new promo yet again. such a bitch! they’re SO disorganized about shit. ooooooh look we have a new promo great! ok. so what’s the PROPER procedure… uhh… umm… sheeeeeeeit… yeah exactly. sadly a co-worker pointed out to me that i have more education than most, maybe all the managers in the store. le sigh.

incidentally, the manager i told off is a lil strange. he totally denies his background. dude, that’s SO high school. he’s east indian, but believes himself to be west indian. he’s got the accent and everything happening. it doesn’t make sense at all! it’s such a healthy sense of self he’s got. younger than me and likes to try to assert his power. le sigh. i need to get away from there! really… i need to find me another job so i can reduce my shifts there to just weekends or something. my right hand is now permanently scratched up. not like i want pretty, dainty and useless hands, but i don’t want them to look like shit either.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 14:27 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20051130

i’m using a font named ‘georgia’ in hopes that it’ll make me feel warmer and think warm thoughts… not really.

today was a COLD day. i was FREEZING on the subway and den because i went to volunteer in the cold cold library of the ago i didn’t warm up until i had a coffee in the afternoon with sue. funny how i told myself i’d eat healthier and then i went to split mcD’s fries with sue. but i justified that later with a crunchy froot salad. yes that’s right folks i said crunchy. sue was looking for cursemas gifts for people, instead she bought herself a purty dress shirt from e-spirit. hahaha… i call esprit that. bumped into lotsa people i know at eaton centre as per usual.

i saw franco today! and that TOTALLY made my day. because i was called into work. and i’m hurtin’ for cash so i went in. i regretted my decision as soon as i got in because the incompetent one was nagging me. so i was saying hello to a couple… and he turned around… and it was him! he’s been cutting my hair for about 3 years now. he’s a hot italian dude with a fabulous sense of humour and… HE’S NOT GAY! his gf is a sweetie, she works there too. anyhow, it’s good to randomly see people when you least expect it. and then i saw someone that used to work at the 2^nd cup at capital ‘E’ postrophe s. fun times i say. like when i was msn-ing with omar in the morning and then he had to go and i didn’t get a chance to say bye because i was making my famous pb&j sammich. but then we ended up on the same bus. there was a charity dinner at my werkplace. blah blah blah. bullshit, cuz they know that they’re going to get a tax return so really, they’re giving NOTHING. and of course it was supposed to end at 9:30 and of course it started late so we had to stay open later JUST for them. i got to leave at 9:30 because the closing manager used to live close to my area so he realized how far i had to go. wheeeeeee! that was a bonus. apparently ackroyd and dorff were there. i saw the former and not the latter. dammit! hahahahahahaha… or maybe i just didn’t notice him. anjelica houston was in the store yesterday. she’s awesome and SO TALL!!!!! wowees!

ew ew ew. have to work tomollo. so i go.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 03:37 | link | comments |