Life needs change.

CHANGE #20060128/30
there’s a mouse in the house. and i just saw it and it scared the crap outta me because i wasn’t expecting to see it of course. at least it wasn’t a giant bug. eeeeeeeks!

went to the bier markt tonight cuz it was mel’s fiancé’s birthday last week. yes that’s right i said fiancé. craziness eh? anyhow umm… there’s a large caucasian crowd there, and well a lotta the men still have that ‘wooooo asian woman’ mentality. ew ew ew. hahahaha… but i DID get a free beer for knowing who general macarthur/mcarthur was. i know it was a sleazy type of pick up, but i got a free beer! hahaha… it was umm… just weird. but oh well. the saddest thing was that the hottest guy there was one of the busboys. everyone else was just… creepy. hmmph! chaley didn’t want to come out… and he totally coulda prevented some of the leering stares. ew! jeez! just cuz me and mel were 2 of the 10 asian women there.

had something in my eye for most of the day. it’s not a sty, and i can’t see it, but boy can i feel it. i can feel it right now… and i even put in eye drops. anyhow, it was ‘annoying the snot’ outta me for the evening part of my shift at work today. not like it was busy, and i even got to leave when everyone else did, not like the usual wait until the bitter end. TONY’S GETTING A MOTORCYCLE AND I GET A RIDE FROM HIM!!!!! I’M SO EXCITED!!!!! the 2 people on hammerheads that got bikes last year made false promises to me, rené’s girlfriend won’t allow him to have any female passengers so tony’s my last hope. and he’d better follow through else i’ll have to kill him.

across the universe – rufus wainwright i’d forgotten how pretty that song was…

ok. so i basically have 5 months left to have a main/better souce of income. plus a new dilemma. moms wants me to go to japan in july. i need money of course. but i want to move out. so i think i can maybe wait until September to move out with katykins cuz she’ll need a place then, but i still needs money. of course. the crazy fucker who cracks under pressure is getting more hours than me. girl can’t talk to people properly anyway. so she needs to pay rent and is going to montréal for a bits… if someone’s going to tell me that i’ll get f/t and i don’t… well there’s DEFINITELY no loyalty to the company on my part. whatever. i don’t think they think i’m going to stay forever either. but it’s not the way to do things.

i just spent the last 2 hours re-arranging my room yet again. this is the 3^rd time since i’ve been back and there’s really not much variety i can get out of it because my room is so small, but i manage. tomollo i put all the stuff back and umm… purge some more stuff.

strange coincidence, but i was having coffee with a work friend yesterday ,(that GORGEOUS day where the sun was shining and it was quite warm) and we were headed towards indigo just to browse and there were 2 magazines on the concrete… so i picked them up for mel cuz they were bridal magazines. hahahaha. s’all good right? she’s stressed out cuz her stupid managers won’t tell her if her contract is up or not… on tuesday. wtf?!?!?!?! so stupid. i hate how management/bureaucracy treats people i mean there’s DEFINITELY NO incentive to be loyal.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 05:25 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060126

SCORE!!!!! bargain queen strikes again with a vengeance. i found me 2 north face tanks for $5 EACH! that’s right EACH! muhahahhahahaha. and i found me a pair of geox shoes for less than ½ price. now i have a pair of sneakers again! how’s that for shopping? ok so i was supposed to be trawling for dress clothes because i gave myself a 6 month limit to get me the fuck outta retail. well to at least have that as the ‘extra’ job and not the main source of income.

my neighbourhood is rife with alkies. i remember taking the bus in the morning when i first got back from the uk and seeing this kid drinking booze from a sprite bottle on the 830 bus. yeah, that’s 830 in the MORNING. mmmm… nothing like a good shot to start the day! riiiiiiight! anyhow, when i was waiting for the bus last week i saw this other kid talking to someone he knew from high school and he was bragging to her that he had Malibu rum in HIS sprite bottle like it was a daily thing and that it was ‘cool’and all the kids do it. uh-huh, yeah a lot of them probably do, i wonder how healthy their livers are? so then she looked at him and said, ‘yeah right. i don’t even like drinking. five years down the road i know i’ll see you begging on the street corner for money to pay for your booze and still carrying around that stupid sprite bottle.’ he started to protest that he has a legit job [to pay for his habit of course] and that he’s not addicted. riiight, that’s why you need to drink every morning before going to school. hahahahaha! anyhow, this week he tried to pick me up on the bus. what a loser! he kept looking back at me pretending to look for the next bus that’d take him to town centre, but he was looking at me trying to get my attention. hahahaha, how lame. like i don’t remember you – the alcoholic from the week before?

yesterday was a weird day at work. everyone was kinda ‘off’, but we were all on the same wavelength. it was a tiring day because it was so dead and the dumbest things were funny. tony’s girlfriend FROM windsor called twice for him and since he wasn’t working we all thought there was a juicy story behind it. turns out (disappointingly) that she’s just someone from the windsor location that he met a while ago and they flirt a lot. boooring! hahaha… but it made the day a li’l bit funner.

female co-worker: hey thanks for the candy.

male co-worker: heyyy do you have anymore candies today?

me: no. sorry hon. katy needed one to get rid of her mc’d breath.

male co-worker: well what’s that you got in your pocket?

me: it’s a tampon!

[eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!] AAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! we couldn’t stop laughing!

and for stephie’s sake - TOMORROW IS MOZART’S BIRTHDAY. 250 YEARS AGO HE WAS BORN!!!!! it also happens to be my sister’s birfday.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 03:04 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060123

fuck off beefcake, just cuz i can’t clap my hands together cuz i’m such a beefcake doesn’t mean that i don’t work out. i know i’m a short person and you can’t really tell if i work out or not if i’m wearing a sweatshirt, but ok. so this dude buys a leather jacket today and he walked in without a jacket. so i asked him if he wanted to wear it out and he looked at me like i was retarded because he said it was too hot. h-e-l-l-o??? too hot?!?! i don’t fucking think so. and so he said i should start working out or something. hahahahahahha! fuck you! i’m still sore! so i told him that i do work out and that i’m still hurting from yesterday. he probably thought i did bullshit treadmill stuff or one of those aerobic classes. fuck off. he wouldn’t last a second in a dragon boat because he wouldn’t be able to bend. ha! how’s THAT for judgement.

back to the regular grind of rots. it’s mentally exhausting to sprint to the bus stop after an intense workout. i saw the bus coming and i KNEW i was running like a fucking turtle, and i just kept telling myself, ‘don’t fall, DON’T FALL!’ hurry hurry hurry. yeah i made it. and if i didn’t then i woulda picked up the garbage can to throw at the bus… if i had the energy that is… heh heh heh.

the HOTTEST dude came into the office on thursday last week. he dropped his wallet in the parking lot and so me and maria rooted through his wallet in hopes of finding a contact number so we could let him know where his wallet was. driver’s license said he was 5 years younger. DAMN! but boy did he look even better in person! yeah, that was the highlight of thursday. friday’s highlight was the fact that i got off at 4 not 5, which i didn’t know about until i was there and dying (of boredom) in the morning.

KNOCK ON WOOD. but so far my elbows aren’t well… dying. my shins are hurting more from running from bus-gym, gym-bus, subway-work on sundays. eeeheeheeheeee! ok. so i’ll definitely know by next month after dying at a gnu kind of deadly circuit training.

ok this HAS to be the year(s) of the creep. 1^st they choose that scary looking man to be the next pope, now we have to look at scary looking harper who has girly eyes! they’re CREEPY! CREEPY I SAY! WHY ARE YOU CRAZY CANADIANS WHO VOTED FOR HARPER WANTING TO RUIN THE LIVES OF OTHERS?!?!?!? no i’m not being purely superficial like the fact that he looks creepy whyyy hiiiiiiim!?!??!

was in so much muscular pain last night that i apparently grinded (ground?) my teeth. today, picking things up form the floor… never so painful. why did people want ME to get things for them that were upstairs and on shelves!??!?! i go now. forgot what i was going to say.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:18 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060117

earth-shattering gnus everyone. I HATE OFFICE WORK! ok sue it’s not your fault. i just hate it. i’m not made to work in a poorly ventilated, dry, eye-burning, boring can’t talk to anyone environment. i’ve done a lot of doodling, and i can totally understand why office drones get fat. it’s a depressing environment. and all you feel like doing is eating. mind you, it might just be that it’s so cold that my brain says ‘EAT FAT!’ so i can stay warm, but yeah, i hate it. my dad thought i might be good for office work. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (and then i think of stewie and his annoying laugh that brian was complaining about in a recent epi) i don’t know if that’s funnier than the guy who was so sure i’d be a good teacher. hmm.. i’d have to say it’s a close second. cuz if i were a teacher the murder rate would skyrocket! muhahahahaha… err i mean yeah. but i wish that i could have some variety to this early morning. that’s what i really liked about retail. you never have the same schedule. i like variety and i need it. i’m so glad it’s just for this week. ok sue, you don’t have to tell your mother this because if she REALLY needed someone in the office for a bit i could do it if necessary… just no longer than one work week please! hahahahaha… how sad is that? no really, i really can’t suck it up and work full-time like that. shit! if this was the rest of my life i think i’d really have to kill myself.

i waited 45 minutes for you bus. all other variations of the 95 bus passed me by. twice each. but you never came until i was chilled to the bone. then you were leaky and dripped water mercilessly on me. i’m still cold, even after a HOT shower and i’m sitting in front of a heater right now. how i hate you jackass. i wish sometimes that people could hold the ttc criminally responsible if they get sick and have to miss work or go to the doctor’s or something. send them the bill. how you like dem apples now? huh? HUH? fucker!

now i keep getting cut off the internet. hmm… i think this is the 10^th time in the past 20 minutes. what nonsense i have to deal with today. that’s it! tomorrow i’m going to that nine west factory outlet store! oh! and i understand the need for shopping now. feeling sad and empty, fill it up with materialism! fuck i hate all this bullshit right now.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:21 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060105/08

my sleep deprivation MUST STOP! i sorta dozed off among the filing cabinets whilst volunteering at the ago library today. not like it woulda really mattered since it’s SO relaxed there, but because it would’ve been alarming to whomever it was that found me asleep, in the fetal position on the floor. hahaha, it’s comfy!

once in a while i have to actually see an exhibit or just wander through a gallery to regain that sense of ‘self’ and ‘direction’ as to what i studied, what i care about, and what i want to do. i went to the catherine the great exhibit at the ago at the end of december and was blown away. not only was i able to breeze past the lineup and be one of the first 25 people in, (volunteering has it’s perks) but i usually HATE going to ‘blockbuster’ exhibits at museums. i find them to be over-hyped and WAY too busy. this one however was awesome because they limited the number of people inside, and well it was a jolly good time. the flow and spacing of the objects was well done. there was an astounding number of objects, but then again the hermitage is HUGE and has SO MANY things in it. it would take me years just to get through it from beginning to end. well, anyhow this exhibit restored my faith in the arts. normally while i’m volunteering i don’t actually get to see the exhibits, but i made the effort since the hermitage is a long way off.

spent the rest of the day with stephie. i realized that it was thursday and i was supposed to catch a movie with katykins, but well… i’ve been so retarded lately that it didn’t click until after i got off the phone with stephie. but the movie times were bad, and me and katy didn’t finalize our plans… well… umm… yeah. sorry katykins.

discovering the true nature of the store manager wasn’t the greatest thing in the world, but at least i know what i’m up against. and what i will be leaving behind one day soon i hope. well if anything, i’ll just keep it as a part-time job at least until i’m financially stable, which i am FAR from right now.

why are ALL my woes about money? why do i keep thinking that if i have enough money that i can move out, stop stressing lalalala. but if i’m in the next tax bracket (HA!) then i’ll have bigger worries. and then aww fuck it. why bother? i know in the end that i’m only good with small money and not big money because i don’t quite see the BIG picture. oh well. Keep It Simple Stupid!

i’ve been craving/eating crap food lotses these days. more so than over the holidays when the foods are readily available. i think it has to do with my sleep deprivation/depression/general blah-ness. i want to start working out again, but i have no monies. lame lame lame, but true. this time next year i want to be living somewhere that’s not scarborough.

met up with high school people friday night. holyshit zunaid is married?!?!?!?!?!? some of these characters i haven’t seen since graduating, so it was shocking to introduce myself to zun’s wifey. it was good to see them though. but so so so strange. anyhow, there’s some crazy news going through my head since i heard on friday. why is my font so tiny once i cut 'n' paste?!?!?!?!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:23 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060102/03

here’s an idea. if fergie from the black eyed peas let herself gain lotsa weight… she could be kirstie alley’s TWIN SISTER. just think about it for a moment and don’t tell me it’s not true.

the creepy guy came back. and i’m SO glad charles was working today. because that dude even gave chaley the vibe. that’s CREEPY! he’s the one that asked margi out and when she rejected him he said someone else helped him with his purchase so they could get credit for it. there were no guys working on the floor that day. well there was luke, but he doesn’t look too threatening because he’s not too imposing. chaley could be if he wanted. at least i didn’t have to help the creepy dude with the exchange.

so we were talking about the Toronto star’s front page at work on Sunday because it showed pix of all those who were murdered by guns this year and well… the last victim was an attractive caucasian girl. no i’m not crying ‘victim’ or playing the race card, but it was glaringly obvious to everyone at work. anyhow what really pissed me off about the articles related to that incident was that one of them showed pictures of the suspects… well more like the back of their heads. and it’s most obvious that they’re black. and while the toronto star may not be a racist publication, isn’t it just DUMB to do things like that? DUH!

manager was totally freaking out on me because i READ the instructions to something and did what i was SUPPOSED to do. and it’s not my fault she’s too vain to get her eyes checked so she can wear glasses to read small print. juss RELAX! jeezy, you want me to take initiative with things then don’t bitch me out for doing something RIGHT because you can’t read shit!

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 05:38 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060101

so i’ve been neglecting you all. my bad. retail sucks my energy dry and makes me hate the holiday season. funny how the rest of the world seems to get a break whilst i have to bust my ass to keep my job. like people working in ANY service industry in the western realm. happy gnu yere everyone. i hope this year’s better than the last for everyone. auld lang syne and all that stuff.

so in the last week, i thought i was moving out for less, then i learned that i’d have to pay more and now i’m in limbo. i know i shouldn’t jump at the first chance of moving out since i’m NOT financially secure at all, but it’s so convenient! st. g and bloor for heaven’s sake! so i’m going to try to talk down the price with the landlady when i call her last minute before she leaves the country.

i keep hearing about rrsp’s, mortgage, payments, money money money planning for the future. nest egg… lalalalallaalalallala! i’ve no monieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss!!!!!

today was SO SO SO retarded. i REALLY don’t understand why the store was open. ok, so it was the easiest shift and i totally slacked off, but still. stephie and Elaine dropped by and then i showed them the couches by the bar and it was over! they were both velly tired and tired and tired.

i wanna get my hair cut. it’s so heavy now. i really don’t i’d ever be able to grow it out to sell it because my neck will break. haven’t cut it in a year.

SO tired. SO SO SO tired. i have crazy ass bags under my eyes, my eyes are burning and i’m yawning like MAD. my writing has regressed muches. like my BRAIN!

i met up with a high school friend of mine on friday and we went for crepes. mmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmm. and den i bought a purty tank top that doesn’t require boobage. woohoo! aritzia totally does NOT make simple tees and tanks that can fit people with any muscle at all. lame lame lame. but i saved me some money i guess. anyhow, my friend anjali is SUCH a sweetie and well… so full of hope and promise. hahahahaha. but i can’t hate her for that.

hey wayne. i want popcorn.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 03:32 | link | comments |