Life needs change.

CHANGE #20060330

so i’ve been absent for a long time. well i’ve been REALLY stressed. so much so that i’m losing sleep and my appetite. why? CUZ I HATE MY MOTHERFUCKIN’ JOB!!!!! it’s SO stupid and annoying and the pay is shitty. the new assistant store manager is an ass, he can’t take what he dishes out and then gets me in shit for telling him off. what a retard. what a little baby. so well, we all know now that he’s been granted immunity and that he’s PERFECT because they badgered one friend into to quitting and fired another for allegedly stealing… when we all know that she wouldn’t steal. don’t they think it looks bad that they have a constantly changing slew of people? what do your regulars think? dude if and when i do quit, i’m going to the labour board. you think it’s a great company to work for? hhhhelll no! you make me buy a fucking green shirt for st patty’s day. i’m not irish nor am i catholic. why the fuck should i buy A shirt for ONE day of work? i don’t care that they were ‘generous’ and gave it to us for 60% which is 10% more than our reg discout. you know it’s just cuz sales are shitty and you need the store to generate some money. i don’t fucking care. stop making an easy job so difficult. asswipes. creating such a negative atmosphere. dude, i’m SO bitter. i went to lunch with a sears friend on Monday and he noted how bitter i was. i’ve only been there for 6 months. yeah, and it’s not just cuz i’m sick of retail either. FUCK! IHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOBIHATEMYJOB.

anyhow, tis now the end of march and what do i have to say for myself? IHATEMYJOB! hahaha. umm… well nothing’s new really. i now have 1 month to find a better job. technically 2 (which was my new year’s deadline until june), but as of the past week with the expelling of 2 of my friends, i want out sooner than later. i’m very very bitter and i need to find something else fast. sad thing is, i don’t know what i want to do yet… so i schlep. and get fucked over. but i know i still can’t do a reg 9-5. i’ll ATROPHYYYYYYYY! (go jess) hahaha.

but dudes. this is serious because i’m losing my appetite. i get hungry, but as soon as i start eating i don’t feel like eating anymore. lalalalala~ i hate my joooooooob~! there’s nothing new to say… i want out. i want to travel. i’m getting restless again. fekk! oh look the font's doing something funky again. oh well...

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:24 | link | comments (3) |

CHANGE #20060316

so it’s been a year since my cat died. my how my stress level has increased. anyhow, not like i’ll ever get another one in this house. since i supposedly did nothing to take care of him. whatever. i love how my family has made me passive aggressive over the years about so much shit. fuck. i’m sick of all this fuckery! and i’m having a crabby day since yesterday was apparently too good so someone out there had to even it out and make today shitty.

my mother’s on crack. she left the phone off the hook all day. and it’s still off the hook. and i’m not going to be the one to fix that because it’s not my problem. but my dad bitched at me for not calling home for a ride. not like i do that anymore since my mother didn’t seem to give a shit one night… so i take the bus. anyhow, even if i tried the line would be busy and i’m not about to try the fax line or any of the other celly #s in this fucked up house because i don’t have minutes to waste on my celly. i wonder how long it’ll take my mother to figure out that she’s done this. i hope my dad has to call home tomorrow for something important and can’t. fuck it’s not my fault. anyhow i need more minutes on my celly and telus has SHIT for rate plans. fuck fuck fuck.

the jackass at work is making it unbearable for me. i can’t stand to even converse with him anymore. and i know i’m just fighting a losing battle. but he’s going as far as to being an immature little shit. dude, you’re going to have to work with people you don’t like… but that doesn’t mean you can become unprofessional about it. he made another snide comment about the counter today and then said other shit when i called upstairs. fucker. why are you so immature? jeezy peezy, i guess the store manager’s lecture also meant that she didn’t believe that he’s ever patronizing and that his attitude is fine. whatever.

anyhow. i’m getting stressed out again because i was talking to omar yesterday and it’s so good that he has his shit together. and i remember being so ambitious and knowing what i wanted to do, where i’d be in a year etc. now? who the fuck knows. i know what i don’t want to do, but i don’t know what i want to do. i’m volunteering for this public arts project and we’ve had 2 meetings so far. and well, it seems that every meeting i want to be involved in the arts less and less. it’d be a shame not to work in my field of study, but at the same time, i’m getting so frustrated. i know, wait. fuck, but the longer i wait, the less i want to do this. i’ impatient, but at the same time there’s too much shit happening for me to be able to wait. i hate my fucking job now because of an asshole, but i have no other recourse. i was supposed to volunteer at the art expo, but the organizer never got back to me. jerk. whatev. is my life just going to be full of volunteering with nothing concrete? i don’t even want to work a 9-5. fekk! but i started to feel a little panicky again. i’m going to be 27 in a month and i have nothing to say for myself. what good is my master’s degree if i can’t get a job? what good was my master’s degree when in the end i didn’t give a shit? yeah, i know. i still don’t regret it… i’m glad i went because i’d be left wondering. at the same time, i wish i had more direction in life or came out of it with a better idea of what i want to do. lalalalala~ this is shit. sorry for my naval gazing.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 05:42 | link | comments (1) |

#CHANGE #20060315

i need to find me a better job fast! i keep arguing with the stupid ass assistant store manager who was newly promoted. i initially had some semblance of respect for him when i first started simply because he was technically a superior to me. well, that went away fast because of the way he always spoke down to people. and then the original asm left for another store and he was promoted. most good businesses will transfer the promotee to another location so there won’t be so many power struggles and such. right… ‘good’ businesses. anyhow, he asked me to do some paperwork for him on monday. fine. i don’t mind. just tell me the specific details and i’ll do it. well he told me to do the stuff for the last 4 weeks of january. i did a bit, showed it to him and asked if that was good. he said fine. i finished it, brought it to him and then 5 minutes later he comes back. he looks at me like i’m a retard and says in this patronizing way, ‘what is this?’ like a teacher to a kid who just did something SO completely wrong that it’s incomprehensible. anyhow, i told him i did what he asked. he didn’t even ASK me to re-do it, but EXPECTED it and didn’t apologize. i tore it in half, tossed it, looked at the clock and told him i had 55 minutes left in my shift and if i didn’t finish it in time, then it’s not my problem. and walked off. 2 keyholders were there, one who mentioned that he could’ve apologized and said there may have been a misunderstanding would you mind… and he said, ‘no i’m not apologizing for what i didn’t say.’ whatever fucker!

anyhow, he goes crying to the store manager and 10 minutes later they BOTH come by and she starts lecturing me ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF EVERYONE about how i shouldn’t be talking to him like that in front of other associates in the store because they might get the idea that they can speak to him in that manner as well… i should’ve taken him aside and told him that i didn’t like his tone of voice etc etc. FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!!! she NEVER EVER does that. she ALWAYS reams people out in front of the world and even if you tell her that’s unprofessional she says she doesn’t care because it’s HER store. whatever.

well, yesterday i was using goo gone to take double-sided gunk off the cash counter upstairs. it took an hour, i had a mask on. it was taxing standing there scraping shit off. what does the jerkass do? stand there… ‘yes nicole. scub that stuff off. use that muscle.’ and then stands beside me GLOATING!!!!! i wanted to kick his ass. but i said nothing and continued scrubbing and scraping even harder. well i finished with a ½ hour left in my shift. couldn’t go near it for the life of me. my eyes kept watering everytime i went near the counter. so i took a breather outside and then decided not to work for the rest of my shift. i was taking stuff upstairs and jerkass calls my name making that scraping motion and i gave him a dirty look. not quite my signature death stare, but another associate standing beside him said, ‘ouch! that’s gotta hurt!’ i’ve already had an argument with him last week about the new bullshit dress code where we have to wear layers because the store owner wants us to do the new ‘in’ thing. right, he just wants us to buy more product because we’re not doing so well in sales.

anyhow, they’re also nazifying the place. they document EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MINUTE THAT YOU’RE LATE!!!! it doesn’t matter if you’re 2 minutes or 20 minutes late. they still write it down. barring the fact that ALL the registers aren’t synchronized so you may think you’re on time, but you’re ‘late’. so that essentially means that i can leave AT  when my shift ends. see we apparently HAVE to wait until the next person comes to relieve us at 5… but it never happens AT 5 because they’re still doing the dumbass ‘1 minute meeting’. right. but we’re responsible for our section until the next one comes… and we don’t get paid for it unless we’re there for 15 minutes or more. but if you’re going to be picky about 1 or 2 minutes, so will i.

i can understand that it’s hard to generate sales right now because people just aren’t buying. but to make work harder to do, and make it a negative environment doesn’t help at all. don’t they get it? since jackass was promoted 4 people have quit. i mean there will always be turnover when there’s changes in management, but a lot of people are pretty fed up.

that’s my gripe session about work. i have other things to say, but these thoughts are better kept inside.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:27 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060305

 

somewhere tonight a mother will no longer see her son. she’ll never hear him laugh, see him smile or even admonish him. last night a 17 year old kid was murdered and his body was left behind the catholic school 2 minutes away from my house. what would possess people to kill other people? were you born in a cave? do you really think it’s necessary to kill someone? you can’t take that back, it’s permanent. if your life is so unimportant that you want to fuck it up, don’t take anyone else down with you. that’s just selfish. envious because someone’s life is better than yours? HE WAS ONLY SEVENTEEN FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!!! at that age i was umm… in high school. still wanting to do fashion. still in my awkward/ugly duckling stage. (not like i’m any swan now…) baggy clothes… grade 11. an extra curricular nerd. swim team, music, music, music. i was taking weight training classes early in the morning and got my bonus marks. i had a crush on someone in my class then. i remember taking the bus early in the dark mornings. the first spring day that it was warm and sunny i was SO happy. but that’s beside the point. 17, seventeen, a life so short. you shouldn’t be involved in things like that. or at any age. we’re all turf kids here. so many of us still live at home. even our elder siblings do. kids are kids. just hood rats. turf kids. punk asses who do stupid things and drink like fish. the occasional vandalism, maybe b&e. petty crime. not murder.

ok. so i was admonished by the policeman that i spoke to for taking the bus home alone blah blah blah. but i’m not about to hibernate as soon as it gets dark and does that mean there shouldn’t be any late night bus service, or male only? some creepy jackass came on the subway last night and was trying to chat me up. so i gave the one word answers, didn’t look at him, didn’t take out my earbuds. well we happened to get off at the same stop and he said, ‘oh we’re getting off at the same stop.’ right buddy, what a GREAT COINCIDENCE! and i stalked off. i missed the bus by a hair and den he took the same bus. luckily he lives far away from me BUT THEN I SAW HIM GET ON THE BUS THIS MORNING AS I WAS GOING TO PRACTICE!!!!! but thank goodness he didn’t recognize me. rather than feeling scared, i was annoyed that i was placed in an uncomfortable situation by the simple fact that i’m a chick. fucker! more on this later…

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 04:18 | link | comments |