Life needs change.

CHANGE #20060628

This sucks. I can't really motivate myself to do much at the crappy clinic job anymore. I've met a lot of cool people, but I get paid the same amount and I do less work at the other clinic. Which goes to show that he is a cheap bastard! I get treated with more respect, it's a much more professional atmosphere and it's SO much more organized. Likewise, it's HER clinic so she knows how to do EVERYTHING! This is technically his clinic, and sometimes some people are better at other things... but it's SO lame in comparison. He double books and it's SO rare that he's able to see 2 people in a 15 min span. People are left waiting. But he'd rather have people double booked and all because he doesn't want them to miss out on a treatment and probably so he can mek more money. Well, at the other clinic people are in and out in a flash. She can see 3 people in a 15 minute span. How you like dem apples?! It seems that he hasn't had a good track record of recpetionist/gophers/bitches. Some patients of his were working here before too... everyone's pretty understanding... that doesn't say much now does it?

 Had an adjustment yesterday and my oh my! I tweaked my neck in the finals on Sunday and I shoulda gotten one on Monday, but I don't like his technique. So I put up with it until yesterday. And now I'm sore. BLEH! I was stretching out my quads whilst waiting for the bus at York Mills. Hahaha! I'se still kinda sore... but it's all good. Can't wait until next Wednesday!

 The one treat that I'll really miss... well you can't make a right onto Belmont from Yonge St. so there's usually cops hanging around at least once a week. There's this one cop that comes by once in a while and he's HOT! Tall, built, nice ass, shaved head.. Mel knows my type. I don't know why, but I have this strange attraction to men who have shaved heads. Not skinheads per se... but yeah. I dunno. Meh, then again, I have a varied taste in men. But they all posess that 'something something' about them. DAAAAAAAAMN! He was here today for a nice long while. Yummmm what a nice view from the window since they parked their car right in front of the clinic. ;p

 Montreal in a few days. Wheeeee! I can't wait! My tank top collection can expand yet again. Hahaha. I divulged my secret to Lee. I LOVE tank tops because I never have to worry about them fitting tightly in the wrong places! =)

 I was at Starcluck's on Rox warming up in the sun and the homeopath/reiki pactitioner came by. So we sat and chatted a bit. She's basically a life coach and is incredibly intuitive and energetic. So despite my leaving next week, I think I'm going to try to come in one time to see her. Sooo... I like the other practitioners, but not the one I work for. HA! Not the greatest of situations. GAH! He dictated this letter to me today, stop mouthbreathing! Stand farther awaaaaaaay! Leave me alone! Stop hovering until I get it done... I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH TO BE YOUR BITCH! I have to fix the grammer and all... jeezy peezy! Can't even get a fax machine to work... maybe I should've asked for a raise FIRST then dropped the bomb. Meh, too late. DON'T ask me to check on the date on someone's file, doubt me and then ask me to get the naffing file. GET IT YO DAMNED SELF! And don't question me when I relay a message to you, if you don't trust me then don't waste my time by making me make that phone call in the first fucking place. Either that, apologize for being a jackass! FRACKSA! (thanks wayne-o!)  2 more days... but gotta babysit the daughter on Friday. GAH! Can't read the newspaper online, check my e-mails, check my phone for messages blah blah blah. Hmm... maybe the hot cop will be outside again... ;p

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 01:07 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060626

Went to a Jazzfest concert on Friday and oh my was it ever good! Molly Johnson is totally totally awesome. Her band was well-polished, everything was perfect and despite joking around with her usual banter it was professionally done. Her pianist's voice harmonized SO well with hers and the person playing the wind instruments... tenor & sporano sax, clarinet, flute... yeah... wow. The opening act was the Robbi Botos Trio. He's an awesome composer, arranger and pianist. Anyhow, Mel and I went to see her the last time she performed at the Jazzfest 3 years ago.Hahaha. Oh the things I remember from then. I went to go see one of my friends who was living at Jarvis and Gerrard in the top floor. It was a typical boys place. Questionable bathroom, dishes in the sink, reeking of weed and stale cigarette smoke. Yumm... but his room was clean else I'd NEVER come by. Anyhoo, that was my last year at Yew uv Tee and the summer I lost Michael. Nobody knows how it happened and even now I don't, but at the time there was the rumour of meningitis. So I was a little freaked out because I had seen him about a week before it happened. Turns out my boy was just sick... hhahahaha... o yeah, they used a pool cue to change the channels on the telly. Anyhow, we went for din-din at Lantern (sadly it's gone now) and den went to go meet Mel. He went with me on his blades and was lazy and hung onto my shoulders as I walked. And den after the concert Mel and I saw another old friend back home. Was strange... funny how things turn out since I was texting one of 'em that evening and saw the other one Sat afternoon.

Which brings me to the blasted Island races. I was ok with the idea because I had forgotten about Welland races the week before. BLEH! Had to get to the ferry docks at the 'ass crack of dawn' 6:45. GAH! The flipside was that we were done by 11:20am. So I took an 11:45 ferry back. Twas naice! I had a bench to myself! Didn't even have to line up! So I called my boy to see if he was busy since I haven't seen his cat in a long time. She's grown muches. She's almost a year old, and still cute and fun to play with. I love playing with her cuz she never gets bored. Anyhow, he originally told me he couldn't drive me home... and guess who got a ride home from downtown ;P. And I didn't even have to manipulate him... he offered. So now I'm a 'timeburglar'. I like that, it has a naice ring to it! =)

Onwards to Sunday. What an exhausting day. Sue and Edie came. Then the 3 of us and Alan tried to feed the duckies and kept quacking at them hoping to lure one closer. din't work... but it was fun... 'quack quack!'
I think in Welland the first 500m race we did was one of the first and rare times that everything clicked. I finally felt like I was a useful paddler in the boat. I know it sounds terrible... but well... yeah I felt 'IT' and I've been searching for that feeling since I've joined a few years back. I think it had a lot to with my lack of confidence simply because I'm so small. Well, I've come to accept the fact that unless I become terribly rich, I won't be able to bulk up as much as I or Bob would like. So I've accepted and now am working with my limitations. I'm no longer afraid to push myself harder because of my gimpiness because it doesn't hurt as badly as it did before and I feel a lot stronger.
Anyhow, our first heat didn't go so well. The finals... FEKK I hate all the pauses and the drama it entails! You know when you really, really, really want something? It was totally one of those moments. But at the end of it I was coughing and choking and couldn't breathe. And I sorta tweaked my neck. Such a terrible, terrible feeling. I don't think I've ever felt so shitty after a race. It was a good one, I gave it my all... but the consequences to my lungs... unbelievable. Maybe I swallowed pollen??? I dunno. But well... yeah. It hurt like mad... and my eyes wouldn't stop watering.
In conclusion? I'm sticking with this team as long as they'll have me. I've figured 'IT' out and it's great that things are making more sense to me now. I know I have a long way to go, but the journey has begun to make sense to me and I love it.
Wanted to call in today to say I'd be a few hours late, but I schlepped it and went in cranky and tired. Totally irritated with work today. Some patients know I'm on the way out... and well I'll miss some of 'em... oooooooooh! Greatest compliment! One of the patients asked me if I did weights cuz my arms were cut. Bless your heart Andrew.
Has anybody noticed that the ads around your google page relate to the contents in what you write? Isn't that kinda creepy?

 

 

 

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 00:41 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060621

went to volunteer at the AGO yesterday. it was good to see randall, it was bad to hear the news though. it seems that they're going on strike. they're running outta $ and because certain parts of the building are being worked on, they're also going to have to lay some people off. i think that's completely shitty and stupid. likewise someone from the library i volunteer at is going to be let go. everybody that works in the library is a necessary part of that department. nobody else knows the filing system like randall... and i swear they're ALL walking art history encyclopaedias. ask them anything about art and they'll know.

the strike is more likely to happen than not, and it's incredibly ill-timed. if they're supposed to complete renos and re-open officially in 2008 what does that tell the public? you can't even take care of your staff? and it completely kills any staff morale and trust. they'll likely hire an expensive mcd's consultant who knows NOTHING about the arts, but only the bottom line. how sad is that? hey teitlebaum, take a wage decrease.

so i've figured out what bothers me the MOST about the chiro i work for. and it's incredibly petty and superficial, but still...

HE'S A FREAKIN' MOUTH-BREATHER!!!!! jeezy peezy, do you know how annoying that it when a mouth-breather hovers over your shoulder to see what’s on the computer?!?!?!?

so today it was apparently MY fault. an order came in a while ago and i put it aside because i was working on other stuff. he decided to open it blah blah blah. so i didn't know if everything came in. and there was already a problem with the order which i've since fixed, but since he seems to fixate on stupid things, he neglected to mention that something else was missing. dude you took it, i fixed the other problem and if you didn't notice the other missing item it's not my fault. YOU took care of it. and STOP 'trying' to help me because no there are no openings for the rest of the week i've taken care of it so STOP saying that there is one. and if you can't stay on schedule then DON'T double-book your appointments. oh well, i don't care, i won't be here for that much longer. just have to stick it out for a bit more... ha! he's looking to sell one of his tables if he gets a good offer... he wants $2500, but the dude that was interested was offering $1500. it was the 1st table made... in the late 80s. hmmm... don't think he'll buy it. hmm... so i called back and told him the $2500... interesting. he'll call back. he forgot to pick up an order or herbal remedies and wants me to go pick it up. uhh... no. it's not my job, i don't know where it is and i don't have the time. fekk, i had to hustle so i could make up for the loss of pay jerk! get it yo damned self! it's SO annoying when he fixates on stupid things and keeps nagging me until i tell him it's done/being done/out of my hands. shut up! i heard you the 1st time!

as for the other place i work for. well... the more i think about it, the more frustrated i get. if there's problems and i tell somebody... even if i do nothing will change. apparently WE'RE the ones that are supposed to think of solutions. ok fine, fire the idiot at head office that deals with all the dumbass promotions or stick your foot down and say no fekking exceptions. why should i have to think of solutions to the problems when i don't have the power or the means necessary to change things? i'd like to fire tha asm who gets me angry, but i don't have the power to do that either. i've only ever gotten one apology from management about a mistake on their part and it wasn't even that particular manager's fault. so bite me! and NO this disorganization isn't EVERYWHERE it's specifically here. and i've worked some shitty ass places, but none as bad as here.

woke up with the WICKEDEST leg cramp in the world yesterday. holymf'n moly it still hurts a little bit right now. which tells me that mebbe i've been in retail for too damned long if i'm getting pains like this.

 

CHANGE #20060623

wow. my mother's REALLY angry at me. which means i really have to move out by september. she was yelling at me about my job situation yet again. this time she asked me why i keep getting jobs that kids outta high school can get. and was asking me why i didn't send in my cv to city hall. cuz i don't really want to work there. and i told her that. besides, she only really wants me to get a job with benefits. well i'd be on contract anyway. and besides, her friend's daughter that got the job at city hall is a high school dropout so really, it'd be an even 'lesser' job no? yeah, i know that i should be working at a better job fuck i don't think that every day?! but it's not like i can necessarily CHOOSE which jobs i want to work in. offers aren't pouring in like mad. no i have no rrsp's or any of that shit. so i'll die poor when i'm old, i'll just do the world a favour and become a hermit on a remote island and eke out a self-sufficient living. and when i die my cats can eat my body until there's nothing left. anyhow, she wants me to go back to school. again. for what? and why?

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 23:04 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060618

the FUNNIEST thing happened at work today. and the most ironic. i was technically sent home from work today. WHY? cuz for the first time in a long time, i broke my golden rule of not caring and i spoke the truth and got in shit for it. see. when the store manager called me back to work i decided i would, but told myself that i’d take a backseat attitude and not care. if shit hits the fan, i don’t care because it really isn’t my problem nor will i make it. well today i made it my problem and i was asked if i wanted to go home, which translates into ‘we don’t want you here for the rest of the day.’ so i gladly left and chilled outside with a coffee and a good book for 2 hours.

as every Sunday it’s disorganized. there’s ALWAYS something going wrong and of course… world cup is on which means nothing gets done downstairs cuz everyone’s watching the telly. i’m SO tempted to write signs all over the city saying if people want 5 finger discounts they should go during a world cup game cuz they can walk off with a lotta goodies! i’ve almost had to close alone cuz they sent home the only other person who knows how to close on cash and everyone else was off. i’ve had to close alone with people who’ve NEVER closed before… hmm… frustrated?! a little. but i usually don’t care because it’s not my problem really. but i cared today and look what happened…

there’s usually more rookies working because people with seniority get that day off… or people say they can’t work that day for various reasons. which i don’t mind, but then balance it out with people that DO know how to do things so that one person isn’t left dealing with all the shit!

well when i was upstairs… NOBODY answered the phone while i was covering someone’s break so i had to go downstairs to do a check. strike one.

then i find out the ringer on one of the phones isn’t working… well did anybody say anything to anybody or try to get it fixed? strike two.

everyone downstairs only works if a custy asks a q… otherwise they’re watching the fekking game. strike three… incidentally the place makes me HATE any sporting event that’s on tv.

markdowns… yet again. so what. it’s a big one AND? it’s done, they’re on sale… which means they’re not part of the naffing promos cuz they’re not regular price anymore are they? well apparently there’s this law in the states that if there’s a sign that even has exclusions and it’s above sale merch the store has to honour it. i guess it protects the illiterate? i dunno. anyhow, so the asm was saying he’d override the system, put it to full price and honour the naffing promo. well that’s news to me and since this promo has been going on for a few months so i told him that in front of the custies. fine… mebbe i shouldn’t have said anything like that… but well he does it too…as does the store manager. anyhow… that’s strike three.

oh here’s a better one. rather than looking in the sys for a watch… they give an arbitrary price of $95 and take 25% off for it as the value. i find the watch in the sys and it’s worth $24.99. so he tries to get the custy to change her mind… duh! it’s been done. YOU authorized it. and so i wrote on the receipt so i don’t get called on it later.

so asm tells keyholder who asks me if i want to go home after i ask her why asm can do shit like that. and that’s when she asks me if i want to go home. hahahahaha. what? he can’t talk to me himself because he’s too high up his own asshole that he has to go through someone else? strike four.

anyhow, before i leave she comes and talks to me and tells me that i can talk to managers blah blah blah. uh-huh. that’s why we had that feel good cashiers meeting a while back and nothing’s been changed. even though i was complaining about the same shit as before. no, the stupid ass markdowns aren’t the issue. i don’t care. but if you’re going to make me look like an ass for following the h.o. rules for it then i do care.

well my hubby called me later cuz i texted him that i was ‘sent’ home and we talked… and apparently just for today they were honouring the old original prices for the stuff they just marked down. TELL THE NAFFING CASHIERS FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!!! we’re the ones that have to ring in your merch! strike five.

every week we close at either 6:30 or 7. if we make goal we close earlier, if not we stay open. wtf is that? an extra 1/2 hour won't make a bloody difference because people would be used to us closing earlier anyway. people have lives, don't toy with them. look the font is bigger here!

so in the end. i don’t know what’s going to happen. i don’t really care because i’m going to work for my old chiro soon. she needs a full-timer because her receptionist is going on mat leave soon. and i know it’ll be full-time. not full-time until aug 1^st… oops wait for june because my daughter wants to work on Wednesdays in july. so i dropped the bomb on Friday. hahahahaha. he looked stressed. not my problem. isn’t it technically illegal to have a job posting for one thing and then changing things around once the person is hired for what they thought they were? well yeah.

saw the FUNNIEST thing on the way to work today on the subway. this man got on and all his change fell outta his pocket. he gathered what he could and rather than leaving what he mighta lost… the man took apart the subway seats and dug around underneath them to look for the rest of his change… dude. who does that?

on the way home i saw this spoiled little baby on the subway. standing up on the seats. mother and grandmother and older brother of the kid… prolly 5 or so… the kind that’s too big to fit into a stroller cuz they’re legs dangle on the floor and they can walk but are too lazy to. anyhow, i got on at dundas. and he was drooling all over the place jumping around. by the time i got off at york mills… and the subway stopped he fell and hit his head on the subway seats. and started wailing. NEVER have i EVER been so grateful to get off the subway. and i couldn’t even garner ANY sympathy for the little boy… i just kept thinking… stupid dumbasses!

anyhow, i had a nice afternoon after leaving work. i chilled outside with a good book and some good coffee for 2 hours. o look. i should be getting ready to sleep since i have to get up for work, but i really don’t care to because i hate it. and this is probably why i got sick again for the 2^nd time in almost 3 months. cuz i’m stressed, but internalizing it and seeing no end to this endless litany of bullshit in my life right now.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 00:55 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060614

wow. i'm SO annoyed. the chiro writes me this dumbshit note telling me that it's the last time he can work with his daughter before she goes away to university blah blah blah. and how it'll be more productive with her here. so i'm NOT productive right? and we need an extra body to be MORE productive. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. i'm sitting here writing a blog entry in my gmail account so i can save the draft. yes yes, very productive. i REALLY wish i'll get me a new job ASAP so i can just leave this clinic. you wanna work with your daughter? fine. she can take over for me here. whatever! IT'S CALLED NEPOTISM DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!? and the other receptionist leaves ME a note telling me there's a voicemail for ME on the phone and HE checks it. granted it's for the clinic, but i'm almost tempted to leave the clinic # as a contact # for when i look for jobs so people will call me here. fuckers. i hate when he undermines me like that and does some things. dude. who cares, it's not your job, that's why you hired me in the 1st place. 'did you blah blah blah...' yes, i'm looking into it right now. 'well how 'bout...' shut the fuck up! and stop wasting fucking post-its to write notes. there's a freakin' notebook for that! i like the patients, but they're not really the ones i'm working for :*( and i think it's kinda retarded that i work alternate days. i mean yeah, the scheduling is great, but if i have to deal with orders, invoices etc. and i leave a message for the other receptionist... something always goes wrong. no consistency. then again, it's not my office so i don't care. HA!

 in other sad news. 'mr. dressup' is going to be cancelled in september. it's just not 'cool' enough to kids. yeah, i know it was re-runs since ernie coombs passed away, but still.... not like i ever have time to watch the telly anyway...

 in some other sad news. ken thomson has passed away. no, i never met him, nor would our social circles ever would have touched. but he was a great patron of the arts who's done a lot for the AGO. he's the one whose ivory sculptures were stolen a few years back and were returned by the thief's lawyer some time later. anyhow, at least he wasn't one to seek the limelight or publicity by saying, 'look what i can do with all my money!' i'm sure there will be a ripple effect in the canadian art scene.

 yet some other sad news. i have a cold. the 2nd one in almost 3 months. i haven't had as much fun as i did friday night in a very long time. and i think my body said 'fuck you' and decided to rebel against me for that. the clubnite went really well metinks. (thank you to those who showed up - i love you all!) i tink we made about 2 grand which is what we hoped for. i was kinda worried because when i got there it was kinda empty and i apologized to lee and julian... but then things picked up. and julian and lee might get a regular gig on sunday nights there... so it worked out nicely. had more to drink then usual... but me, katy and clara JUST ate before getting there. mmmmmMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmargaritas! (the resto, not the drink) so yummy! victoria at anna sui did my eye make up and it was SO awesome. it almost seemed like such a shame when i took it off when i got home. anyhow, my hubby was able to make it out and he was already tanked. SO SO entertaining. he did so many dares because the theme of the night was 'i dare you.' plus he made my tequila shot bearable;p. for some reason though, there were people smoking up in the club and i think that's what tore my throat apart by the end of the night. i sounded like SUCH a slut cuz my voice was all husky and my eye make up was getting smudged. i got a ride home from soft and tender bless his heart.

 the woman across the street was watering her plants in the middle of the afternoon. lady, it was purty hot outside, don't you know it's useless to water your lawn/plants in the middle of a hot summer's day?

 i hate this job. i really do. if i could find a job that i love, getting up at 4:30 am would be so much more worth it. and then i don't have to harbour such bitter, almost racist thoughts as i sit with all the early morning turds on the bus. jeezy peezy. if you sit on the 2-seaters on the older buses and there's nobody else to help you weigh down the seat... it's bouncier than being on a school bus! your thighs and ass jiggle like how our cheeks used to on school buses. funny how things change as you get older. i have an offer to be REAL full-time at another chiro clinic. the one i used to go. hmm... i dunno. what think yous? cuz i really think i should start focussing on what i actually went to school for. damn, what a dilemma. but some input would be muchly appreciated. PLEASE?!

 ok ok ok. some happy news. I'M GOING TO MONTREAL FOR JAZZ FEST! o wait, did i already mention that? anyhow, i'm going with sue et al. WHEEEEEEEEEEE! shopping! more tank tops!

 yes lee. i acknowledge that i have a potty mouth and no i do not speak to my parents or anyone else like this unless i'm angry.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 02:04 | link | comments |

CHANGE #20060604

THE FAT FUCK IS GONE! the director of retail went in on Friday to tell him that he was going to be fired anyway so he could quit before that happened. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! that’s the BEST news i’ve heard in a long time. except for what bob said yesterday.

pickering regatta. it rained, it poured, it got colder and colder and well… colder. i’m not built to paddle in the cold. matt put it nicely, ‘i’m a fair weather paddler.’ yeah, i don’t mind if it’s raining or whatever during practices cuz at least you see an end to it. with regattas there’s a lot of waiting, and waiting and sitting around and waiting. it sucks ass. and it doesn’t matter if i brought gear with me to keep me warm, i WILL get cold and i might just get hypothermia again. and that is DEFINITELY not something i want to do. there were a few guys on the team that were miffed about it, but well… i don’t have the energy to get hypo again and i’m TERRIBLE in the cold. like REALLY bad. my body just shuts down. so uhh… yeah too bad. not like it’s the ONLY regatta we’re doing this year. i forgot about welland too. FEKK! i hate going ALL the way out there sometimes. i was hoping all the regattas we enter this year were local. WRONG AGAIN!

so i’ll likely be working EVERY DAY up until that regatta. wheeeeeee fun. fekk. i hate being broke. sucky sucky sucky. is only temporary though… right? RIGHT?! if i loved what i do, then it wouldn’t matter so much. i only love 1 one of the 3 things that i do that keep my busy. good ole dragon boat. the one thing that i don’t mind sacrificing for. except mebbe going out to welland. hahahahahaha. i dunno why i have such a beef against it.

you know, when there’s NOTHING going on in your life… it’s hard to glob about it.

here’s some filler.

damn this font got big all of a sudden...

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 01:24 | link | comments |