equilibrium has been restored. my life is balanced now. i knew i couldn’t have a weekend where BOTH days were good. the taps in the kitchen are leaking. this means we can’t use the world’s slowest washing machine either… great. i wonder how long it’s going to take to get it fixed. why do things go wrong when i want to make myself a cuppa? maybe it’s telling me not to drink tea. i stepped into a LURVELY puddle as i refilled the kettle. water can go down the drain, but you just can’t turn on the taps or else it’ll just keep dripping. FABULOUS! that’s juss PEACHY! i knew there was a reason why i filched the bucket from downstairs. i cleaned it out and we used to use it for laundry. but now we use it to get  water from the bathroom to the kitchen. such an ordeal. i think i’m going to eat less over the next little while.

if you ever have stale cinnamon raisin bagel… make french toast! mmMMMmmm so yummy! 

i’m sorry this has turned into a gripe session for me, it seems that everytime i write, there’s something to complain about. well, there aren’t a lot of people that i think i can get close with while i’m here. i get along really well with mina and mariko, but it’s true, asians don’t like to show/share emotions. i don’t think i’d ever see myself confiding in them things that i’d tell those of you that i’m close with, unless i’ve known them for many, many years. there’s nobody else that i’d want to confide in in this flat that i know either. and here goes another gripe…

why are people so fake? i don’t get it, karl was trying to justify it by saying that it’s because they want to impress somebody. why the fuck would i be impressed by an idiot who pretends to know something. if i know that you’re lying, then why would i even care to know you? if you don’t know, just say it! fuck i don’t expect everyone to know everything! well… except for common sense things… but that’s a separate issue. karl and a few other people bought a subscription to the brighton philharmonic’s season. fine. i looked at the concert schedule and CHOSE what i wanted to see. fine. so i didn’t like the reportoire. now i’m accused of apparent snobbery. so i know my classical, shoot me. they’re going because they feel they should. he said it’s because he wanted to be able to say that he’s been to the symphony. go because you want to go, not because you think it’ll give you one-up on the ‘sophistication’ factor. loser! i’d rather have friends that are genuine, thanks.

and then he’s trying to judge me by saying that i’m, “obviously too cynical and too bitter to enjoy life. how can you even say that you’re happy?” excuuuuse me?!?!?!? i happen to be quite content with my life thank you very much! at least i don’t have to pretend that i know things. so i make snide remarks here and there, doesn’t mean that i’m unhappy or depressed. even in the worst situations i was always the one cracking jokes. ha! think you know me? aaaaaah stupid little boy. i’m glad you don’t know me. HA and james asked me today if he was my boyfriend. so i said, “wait a minute, don’t you think i have better taste than him?”

james was helping me procrastinate today. i did the crossword… with the help of google of course. hahahaha. mucho difficult cuz i don’t know british pop culture. he met his gf 3 years ago when she was a member at the gym and she was also living in this shithole of a building. so 2 years of going back and forth between here and toronto. he goes there first and spends time with her fam and then they come back and do cursemas here. spencer thinks it’s “rubbish” to have an ldr. i beg to differ.

i’m kinda bored. i’m in limbo. i don’t know what to do for my other term paper because there’s NOTHING i can think of that wouldn’t require me to buy my marks. i refuse to have to trek out to london to use the libraries there because of the uni’s inadequacies. i can’t afford it. it’ll end up costing me about $11 by bus or $20 by train. whatthefuckisthat?!?!?!? i technically have to buy my marks. not my style. sorry. i don’t understand how people can get their postgrad degrees at a school that’s wholly inadequate…

maybe i AM stressed out and i don’ t know it. maybe i’m just not confronting it. maybe that’s why i don’t sleep well at night. my discipline is sullied, my flat is crap, i live with a slob, it’s too noisy at night, i miss my cat, i miss all my loved ones, i’m struggling with cooking, no matter how much i try i know i probably wont’ get my money back from being charged for non- existent internet services, i’m broke, Broke, BROKE!… but at the same time… i think this is great. i live across the street from my gym, i live 15 minutes away from the train station, i get more organic food here than i would back home, i’m away from my family, i’m still learning so much, i’m doing what i wanted to do. and despite all the setbacks, i guess it really shouldn’t matter because this is what i wanted.

agent orange