Life needs change.

 

CONSPIRACY THEORY #20050123

ok. people keep telling me that the brits come next to the americans in the race for obesity. i dunno. my shoe size apparently doesn’t exist. either that or my feet are shrinking. if i look at my skechers that i wear right now, i’m supposed to be a 3.5 in uk sizes. so i try on a 3.5 sometimes even a 3, and inside THAT shoe it tells me i’m a 5 in us sizes. EH?! i don’t get it. either way, i didn’t find the shoes that i wanted because the manufacturer doesn’t make my size. fuckers!

 

ok. this is really fucked up, but SO funny. so julian, mariko’s flatmate HATES it here. he hates the brits, and ironically he’s good-natured about it, and always has these conspiracy theories. i think a lot of this is because he wasn’t able to write his term paper and so was still stuck with it as of yesterday. this is his theory: CARROTS. we got back to mariko’s place and we bought ben’s cookies. kinda like mrs. fields… anyhow, we were eating those and he wandered in peeled a carrot and began to eat it. then he started talking, “y’know i really hate these british carrots. i mean they taste terrible! munch munch munch. i mean this is the reason why they don’t have any rabbits around. it’s because these carrots taste SO bad.”and i started to tell him about how i couldn’t find any shoes. “those BASTARDS! see, it’s all about these carrots. if they had carrots that tasted good then the kids would actually eat their vegetables rather than eating all this junk food and turning into fat adults that drink a lot. this is why you can’t find your shoe size. it’s because they’re so fat that they don’t have small feet anymore!”hahahaha. anna, mariko’s flatmate was booking a ticket for her sister to come visit her in the spring. so i asked her what her sister was studying and the answer was: architecture. thus julian proceeded to say that he wanted her to build him a flat here in brighton that’s makes sense. like the fact in their kitchen you need to open the kitchen door in order to open the freezer door or else it’ll hit the door handle… go fig! s-m-r-t eh? anyhow, so i mentioned the kitchen as well as, “hey, what about a lot of sun so that you can GROW YOUR OWN CARROTS! then the brits can have rabbits as pets. and then they’ll HAVE to buy YOUR carrots in order to keep their rabbits alive. then you can make LOTSA money!” hahahaha heeheehee. it’s all about the carrots indeed. i guess you had to be there. never mind.

 

agent orange

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 15:01 | link | comments |