CONSPIRACY THEORY #20050317                   

my cat died yesterday. i can’t stop crying. i’ll never be able to hear him meow, howl, feel him purr, smell his awful cat breath, laugh about the stupid things he does, have him comfort me when i’m sad, even if he was sleeping.

i feel numb and it’s somewhat disbelieving because i’m so far away. i’ll never forget the day i left. he was sleeping on the cushion he wasn’t supposed to, in the family room. i kissed his nose, he woke up and started purring. my parents told me to hurry up so i told him i’d be back soon, gave him another kiss and left. but he left before i could come back.

i realize now that funerals really are for the living. they give the existing loved ones a sense of closure, a chance to say good-bye, a chance to celebrate that person’s life together. i’ll never have that. what am i going to do without my moo?

i’ve never felt lonlier.

agent orange