Life needs change.

CHANGE #20060919

For the first time in my life as I was walking to work I regretted going further in school to get the extra 2 letters after my name. For the first time in my life, if I was given a chance to go back and take a different course in life knowing what I know now, I would take it in a heartbeat. I'm hoping this feeling will go away soon because I'm content with the job I have now because who wouldn't want free chiro adjustments, 2 hour lunches on Tues and Thurs, Mon mornings off, Fri afternoons off. I get natural sunlight, it's pretty laidback here, I can go for coffee runs, I'm generally left alone here because she trusts me, she understands my plight and best of all I GET TREATED WELL. This is sadly one of the first jobs I've EVER had where I was treated with basic respect and trust that I NEVER got from any other job I've ever worked at for longer than a month. On the flipside, I don't get benefits, I don't really work a full work week and obviously this is SO far from my actual field of study. I've often thought about all the hours that I've put in this summer just working and realized that if this was a 'real' job I was working at, that I could be living mortgage free in a condo right now. Of course, I could never really push papers no matter how much the job paid... well not for long anyway because I HATE FLOURESCENT LIGHTING and all the things that standard office work stands for. It's depressing, mentally/emotionally/physically draining and waaaaaaaaaay to stifling for a crazy girl like me.

I hate regret. I'd rather take it as something to learn by, not something to dwell upon. And my attitude has always been to always live life never having regretted anything, but learned a lot. Well dammit this is a hard lesson I'm learning and it doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon. I'm so frustrated and technically if i were to find something before I left for the UK, then maybe I never would've left. So really, I've been looking for something meaningful as a ways of employment for the past 2 years. WTF?!

However, I went for the most relaxing lunch I've had in a LONG while... not since my napping on the massage table lunches. I went down to Solferino, got myself a latte and just sat in the park and read my book. Sun was shining, grass was clean, coffee was oh-so-good...

I need to sit down and work out a budget and see how much, if any I can save up for next year. I know I won't be staying in that house for any longer than a year because I feel moldy already. I might have to steal my parents dehumidifier from the basement. UGH! That means I'll have to get used to the sound of it. But yeah, I know I can't go back home unless they move somewhere that's uhh.. geographically convenient for me. There's an organic coffeehouse just around the corner from me and I think I might just drop by tonight. I have the morning off tomorrow and all I need to do is groceries. UGH! Not like I'll be sleeping well anyway... FRACKSA!

I'll have you all know that I am no longer a cactus during the day. I have forced myself to increase my fluid intake tenfold since the Worlds because well... I guess it's better than never. At the same token, it's a bitch having a bladder like a thimble.

HA! Who am I kidding, I can't afford to go to a cafe today! By the way Sue... I  STILL don't think space exploration is all that important. Sorry to all those kids who want to be astronauts when they grow up.

posted by: conspiracytheorist at 00:20 | link | comments |